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Parents have tantrums too. I recently found myself in an argument with my daughter – except that it was more like a tantrum. And I was the one having the tantrum! Oddly enough, as I was being so impatient with her I found myself thinking “What am I doing? Aren’t I the adult?”

Emotions can be like that – we just feel them as if by instinct and don’t even realize it until we’re in the throes of an argument. I’ve cultivated self awareness for many years and I was grateful that I realized what I was feeling. I felt that my daughter wasn’t focused enough and not doing things fast enough because I had things to do. The question for me was what was the cause of these strong emotions?

I used a Parts Integration process that I often use with clients to uncover the cause of this angry part of myself that was being triggered by these situations with my daughter. I discovered that my emotions had really nothing to do with her and everything to do with my own boundaries. Actually the lack of them.

We all have boundaries in our life to keep us organized and functioning. As I build my practice I realized that I didn’t have a clear boundary defining client time and family time. As much as my clients and my business are very important to me – so are my children. In fact, my children are the most important to me but I wasn’t setting up my time in a way that allowed me to spend quality time with them.

The universe’s frying pan strikes again! I had been told by my business coach and other sources that I need to structure my business to work for me. I could have made more balanced work hours and then I would not have had this meltdown with my daughter. Instead, I had structured my business to monopolize me and this caused me to freak out at my kids when it seemed like their needs took up too much work time. I am definitely not proud of this.

The great things with boundaries is that they can be re-evaluated and changed at any time. I was able to uncover the root cause of my emotions and take action to create more balance in my life. It felt great to prioritize my children and I was grateful for the universe’s frying pan. I’m also committed to noticing clues that my boundaries are out of alignment before I need to be smacked by the frying pan again.

So the kids are on spring break for two weeks and oooops, I forgot that it was coming and scheduled a bunch of meetings and work stuff.  In the past I would have freaked out about how much work I wasn’t going to get done.

This time I made a much smarter decision.  I decided that I was going to enjoy this time with my kids and reschedule what I could, and deliver on what couldn’t be rescheduled.  Much simpler.  Much more relaxing.  And I am much happier.

Now I can go out and jump on the trampoline with the kids or take them hiking without having my work on my mind, encroaching on their time.   I can play Wii golf or bowling with them and make them waffles for breakfast without feeling rushed.

I know that parents can get so caught up in doing things on their to do list that they miss out on the fun stuff.  What’s worse, is they feel guilty about not spending mindful time with the kids because their mind is spinning with so much other stuff.  Now, negative emotions have a specific purpose – but that purpose is not to make you feel bad about your parenting. 

As parents we have lots of responsibilities – work, kids, self care, eating, sleeping.  We have to get clear on what our most important responsibilities are, and then to create a flow that works for us.  To prioritize what we want to accomplish with our time – not just daily, but in our whole life.  So then when something unexpected happens (like spring break that was on the calendar all year, I just forgot to look ahead) we can reorganize our time to reflect our priorities. 

Of course my work is important, and so is my self care, but nothing is more important to me than my family.  These two weeks of time spent with my kids will create lifetime memories and more a meaningful relationship for us.  That fuels my soul even more than my work does.  My purpose here is to empower children and I choose to begin with my own.

I’ve had a book called The One Minute Millionaire on my book shelf for at least 4 years. It’s written by Mark Victor Hansen and Robert G Allen. I picked it up last week and in the first few pages I read something so profound that it’s taken me a few days to process it. It’s one of those pieces of information that I was aware of and had heard before but I just wasn’t ready to understand yet.

This time I was ready.

It said “To become a millionaire you first have to decide to be one.”

This struck me as so profound because I realized that that’s the first step to achieving anything! Deciding to do it! And of course I’ve made decisions in the past and achieved things, but there have been a few things in my life that have so disorganized that they seemed unreachable.

Many people dream of becoming a millionaire, including me. And what was even more profound is the shift that I felt when I decided to be one instead of just dreaming about it. Holy moly! I felt charged up, energized, and even more on purpose. I anchored that feeling right away.

The book went on to describe that you can make your million the slow way (saving a bit every month in a high interest account) or the fast way (in real estate, business, etc). And what’s more, is you can work on both ways at the same time!

This floored me. Positively just stopped me in my tracks. Of course you can do it both ways at once!

I immediately thought how can I apply this new way of thinking to other areas in my life? I don’t know why I had pigeon holed myself into thinking that there is only one right way to do something – whether it’s in a career, a relationship, or in health. For some reason I had decided that I couldn’t work on a goal or a vision in more than one way. That once you choose a way you stick to it until you think it’s time to change and then you choose a new way. That’s silly!

Now as I’ve processed these amazing insights life got a whole lot easier. Combined with my new understanding of what a vision is…I can achieve whatever I want! And I’ve always known that, of course, but it seems like now the HOW just became clearer.

I want to have a certain relationship with my husband, my kids, my friends; I want to have my finances a certain way; I want my business to be a certain way…and NOW I can see more than ONE WAY to get there!! Doesn’t that take the pressure off?

As I sit here writing I am still processing how groundbreaking this was for me. I would love to know if this has changed your approach to your goals in any way? Please comment and share.

Paralysis by analysis.  This is a great technical term that we underwriters used in the insurance industry – it meas you analyze something so much that you can’t move forward with a decision because you feel that you never know enough.   Well, it’s a trap that people who aren’t underwriters (or don’t even know what an underwriter is) also fall into.

How?  By becoming overwhelmed by obstacles, choices, fear, anxiety, guilt, ambivalence, and whatever else that we tend to feel when we don’t know what it is we want.  We get so wrapped up in focusing on what we don’t want that it takes over the majority of our energy.  We may not even realize that there is more to life than this and we keep feeling stuck and going in circles.  Or we may just not know how to help ourselves take that first step to unparalyze ourselves so we keep doing more of the same, or more nothing, getting us more of the same – or more nothing.

I’ve been stuck here more than once – and not just in a career sense.  I’ve felt stuck like that as a parent, a spouse, and a friend.  Even just as a human being.  Now I do a lot of work on myself because I don’t like being stuck.  What drove me nuts, was why I kept returning to this paralyzed state even after seemingly figuring things out and getting back on my path.  Then one day I got it!

I was chatting with a dear friend who I’ve chatted with every Tuesday night for the past two years.  We don’t even live in the same country but we have formed this amazing bond of mutual growth, sharing, and learning/teaching.  She has a strong HR and croporate background and we were talking about our goals for this year.  She asked me what my vision was for my business…hmmm.  Good question.

I told her I didn’t know what a vision was really…I gave her a list of goals.  She explained to me that a vision is like a bird’s eye view of what I want to accomplish through my business.  If I were to look at the entirety of my work in the world from 20,000 feet up in the air, what would be the main theme?  DING!!!! The lightbulb had been turned on.  The bell was rining loud and clear!

In that moment I understood why I had often become paralyzed by overanalyzing stuff about my business and my life.  I knew what my “Big Why” was in my work… but I had never, for some strange reason, connected the dots between that and all the actions I was taking.  Sure I had goals…but if the goals got too big or too tall…I would freak out.  I would begin to analyze.  I would…you know the rest…get paralyzed and do nothing…then feel bad, etc. 

The huge dot that I connected during this chat was that as long as all my steps, big or small, were moving me closer to my Big Why – to my vision, then I couldn’t go wrong.  All of a sudden it seemed easy to make choices without analysis.  I realized that even the big, tall goals would fit and get accomplished – one step at a time.   I no longer felt like I was floundering about, swimming in the dark. 

So now I’ve stepped back and taken a good look at my life from space.  I decided that a vision is a smart thing to have in every area of my life, beginning with my relationship with my children.  Having these dots connected has just shifted everything into focus for me.  It’s been enlightening beyond words.  As long as I have that vision in front of me, I know that I can make the right choices and take the right steps. 

So, if you find yourself paralyzed because you don’t know which way to go right now…get yourself out of the weeds.  Figure out what is your highest intention for your relationship, your career, your business, your spirituality, or whatever area you feel you’re stuck in.  Then use that bird’s eye view perspective to find a path for yourself; find the next logical or feel good choice and take it. 

Have any of you been paralyzed by analysis?  How did you move through it?

I took a different approach to this year’s goals.  This new approach was inspired by the book Manifesting Change by Mike Dooley.  In it he talks a lot about how to really get what you want. And although I disagree with some of it and in my opinion, he skirts a few issues that are important, it’s a fantastic read and really gets you thinking about how to get what you want.  I mean really, in layman’s terms and it makes sense what he says.

So my goals for this year are still related to my business and my family life, but this year I’m focused more on internal stuff.  By that I mean on the way I feel and what type of experience I want to creat in my life as opposed to just having a goal for goal’s sake and because it’s what I should have as a business owner. 

My main focus this year is prosperity – that’s my one word theme for 2011.  All my results that I want to achieve center around this theme.  And it’s not just about money because money has only a little bit to do with prosperity. 

This year I want to creat meaning in every moment that I have with my family.  I want to continue to connect in meaningful ways with friends and new business people.  I want to feel that every action I take or don’t take really has a purpose in bringing me closer to my end result.  I want to greedily FEEL more good emotions than negative ones.  I want to do whatever I can do help others become what they are meant to be. I also want to take very good care of me – emotionally, physically, and spiritually. 

I’m going to

1. Be Grateful for everything I am and have in my life right now.

2. Focus on my end results.

3. Take action every day.

All these things bring prosperity in material and non-material ways.  So as much as I have financial goals and fitness goals with numbers in them, the numbers are not necessarily the main focus for me.  The experience is the main focus.  And that’s different from what I’ve done in the past.  I’m really excited about my year and my new approach!

Successful people in life are always positive people. They are the people who – know what they want – are optimistic – expect the best and expect to win. Are you one of them?

~Dr Martin Crouse

I have been thinking about this comment that was said to me a couple of months ago and I have finally realized that I have been living my life this way for as long as I can remember. I will only reflect on bits and pieces that are the most meaningful to me at this point. Before Kasia and I had our own business I used to work in the hotel industry which in itself is a very demanding field to be in,  but I took it to the next level on several occasions one of which included a 36 hour shift. When we had our own Auto Repair shop I delivered newspapers in the middle of the night to keep the business afloat and keep our children fed and warm. Did I think about myself in these times? I can honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt, I did not. My biggest concern was providing for my family and doing whatever it took to do that.

Even just thinking about my favorite movies, they are all related to doing whatever it takes to get to where you need to be. “Lord of the Rings”, Frodo does what needs to be done to save Middle Earth, The “Jason Bourne Trilogy”, Jason Bourne does whatever it takes to find out who he really is,”Oceans 11,12 and 13″, again the team does whatever it takes to pull off their final goal. Some movies that you may or may not know and are a little more on the edgy side of life are the movie “8 Mile” by Eminem, this one is about Marshal Mathers a.k.a Eminem trying to become a rap star even though he comes from a broken family living in a trailer park with his drug addicted alcoholic mother all the while fighting the negative feedback he is getting for being a caucasion rapper.  And one last one along those lines as well is “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” with 50 Cent as the lead. This is 50 cents life story about being involved in drug dealing and gang relations as a teenager and then trying to break free from that life. He runs into resistance in the streets and eventually gets shot but fights back and eventually he makes it fulfilling his ultimate dream. These may be very extreme examples but they resonate with DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES, because all the characters in those examples did whatever it took to reach their ultimate goal.

Even just a few years back when Kasia came to me telling me very passionately that she needs to give back to the world, that we did not go through our life experience to not give back and teach others that there is a better way. Once again the fighter inside me was fired up and I asked her, what do you need from me. I had very recently started training to be a transit operator and as soon as I could I was working the late evening shift so Kasia could work day shift and do her schooling at night with no distractions. The kids were sleeping and I was at work. Don’t get me wrong they were trying times as well, we always tell people it was like having an affair with your own spouse, only seeing each other a few days a month. But we did it this time knowing there was a very bright light at the end of that tunnel.

Even now we are both working in Fresh Perspective Family as a team, while I still drive the bus full time and we are doing whatever it takes to get our message and teachings out there. It would be very selfish if we did not share our knowledge of living a better, more fulfilling life as parents with kids that will do whatever it takes, and not take “I can’t do this” for an answer. Kids that march to the beat of their very own drum, with an extremely positive outlook on life and taking responsibility for ALL their actions. We are teaching our kids that if you do something amazing, OWN IT, if you mess something up big time, OWN IT, and of course everything in between as well.

My final thoughts to you all are OWN whatever you do and DO whatever it takes to OWN what you are doing. Please leave your comments. I appreciate all feedback.

  How do you feel about taking really good care of yourself?  I mean really feel?  

The truth is, many of us, especially women, tend to take care of everything and everyone else before taking care of themselves.  This can lead to overwhelm and turning yourself into a piece of toast.  That’s right, complete burnout.  And if you think about it…how good are you at taking care of others when you’re toast?  Hmmm…  

This hit home for me at a very deep level as I was driving home from a networking event.  The host of this particular event is an amazing woman whose company contributes a lot to the Women For Women International Organization.  Her burning dedication and passion for her work are as strong as mine and all those other people who are doing what they love.  I was so inspired by this woman to work even harder and to focus even more on my business that I began planning and brainstorming ideas right then and there.  Honestly, I would work 24/7 if it meant that my purpose to positively change the world by would play out faster.   

 Then it dawned on me.  How good would the choice to work so much more be for me?  I would loose all balance that I have achieved so far in my entrepreneurial life.  Because working more would mean no time for my kids, for my husband, or for myself. And since I teach and promote family balance and healthy mindset to my clients, I have to live it too!   I realized that to really live what I teach, my priorities must be cemented in this order: taking care of me, my family, then changing the world.  This has nothing to do with being selfish, either.  It has everything to do with making sure I am honoring my body, mind and spirit so that they work with me at their optimum health and allow me to continue my work.  It’s the same idea as putting your own oxygen mask on and then helping others put on theirs.  

I encourage you to take a long, honest look at your priorities in your life.  Are you so focused on helping, pleasing, or serving others that your self is suffering? Even in a small way?  Ask yourself when you decided that you’re not worthy of being taken care of by you?  And remember, no one really appreciates badly burned toast. How much more could you accomplish and help if you were well taken care of physically, emotionally, and spiritually?

Prioritize your priorities and notice how your life changes magically!

I remember the day I experienced a very interesting shift in my business.  It happened as I was getting ready for a trade show.  I finally understood and believed in something that I had known for a long time.  And I decided to do something with that knowledge.

I had everything set up to attract huge successes at the show: my booth, my information, my forms, etc.  What I noticed was that I wasn’t on board.  My own attitude was all wrong.  Past experiences of failure (that f-word we all want to avoid), struggling to build my business, and not believing in my own ability kept me stuck in this mindset.  Now I found myself at a fork in the road.  I could either A: remain complacent and wishy-washy about the show and just go and hope to meet some people.  Or B: I could clean up my own attitude, commit my goals to paper, visualize my success, ensure my energy was high, and succeed!

It was completely my choice at this point because I had the knowledge, the information, and all those other things that make up a good trade show booth.  In fact, I realized, I had all the makings of a successful business, I just wasn’t allowing myself to be successful inside.

I chose path B.  I was 100% on board at every level and the trade show was a HUGE success for me. I met amazing people, made great contacts, and really moved my business forward.  AND I learned a valuable lesson: that attitude and beliefs mean the difference between success and the “f” word.

It is entirely up to you to succeed or fail.  That’s the case in business and in life and we all have that choice to make.  You can learn and think about things and feel like we’re not ready to play it big when in reality, you do know enough.  All it takes is just the decision to play big and the tools to let the limiting beliefs go.  I use all my knowledge every day to release my own stuff as it comes up so that I can nurture and live with an attitude and with beliefs that support me.  To me this means I am taking 100% responsibility for my own success and my own business. 

Sure, it’s easier to blame it on the economy, on the government, on neighbours, demanding family schedules, and all sorts of other things.  There are lots of people out there who have these same circumstances and yet they succeed at very high levels.  They don’t use excuses and they implement what they know.  AND they ask for help when they need it.

I hope that all of you experience this shift in your businesses and your lives so that you’re ready to implement the knowledge instead of just know it.  There are awesome tools like NLP and hypnosis that help release negative emotions and limiting beliefs and help you get laser focused.  All it takes is personal responsibility and the willingness to do whatever it takes to succeed.