Currently browsing Mind

I’m doing a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology right now and I get to study all things mind related. In my most recent class we are focusing on hypnosis. One of my classmates said she uses her unconscious mind as a personal assistant.  She gives her unconscious specific instructions about what she wants and when – for example, the outline for a paper or a project by next Friday – and then she just goes about her day.  When Friday comes around she simply sits down and allows the requested information to flow out of her.

I gave this lots of thought because I think it’s brilliant! What an incredible way to utilize the capabilities of our unconscious mind which is so much more powerful than our consciousness. I thought about whether I am using my own mind to its full potential. Am I giving it clear instructions for what I want? And more importantly, is it giving me what I want back?

The answer is a decisive yes and yes. I always get what I want from my mind BUT I realized – my focus is NOT where I want it.

I am very self aware and I take responsibility for what I create in my life. I also have this tendency to find fault with myself all the time. I look for the next limiting belief or emotion that is standing in my way. I have great rapport with my unconscious mind and I ask it to seek out and find what else I have to heal and release in my life. But this seems to leave me feeling like there is always something wrong with me – which there isn’t! And I want to feel good about myself.

Not to say that healing yourself isn’t a worthy endeavor. It is – but not if that’s all you’re focused on. I found that I don’t spend enough time being grateful for all the ways in which I am already great and excellent. Yes, I have “stuff” to work through. But I also have a lot to be proud of and a lot to appreciate.

So, as a change of focus exercise – I wrote a letter to my unconscious mind thanking it for always giving me all the information I ask for.  I am grateful for my mind always bringing up things for me to work on. Now, however, I want to focus on all my accomplishments, my capabilities, and all the things that I already do well. If there is something pressing to work through – I’m sure I will become aware of it and take care of it.

I invite you to take a look at what you focus on most and what you ask your mind to bring up for you. Is your focus where you want it? Are you grateful for who you are and what you’ve accomplished in your life? If not, you can shift this at any time. You simply have to be willing.

Image credit.

Have you ever thought to yourself or said to your child “you should know better!”

You’re not the only one and it’s easy to assume that our kids should know better because we spend so much time teaching them to know.  But as adults we have the benefit of a rational and logical, mature brain.  They don’t.

We repeat to our kids the things we want them to do, how we want them to behave, and yet they keep either misbehaving or doing something completely opposite to what we want.  We think they should know better – we even tell them they should know better, but why don’t they?

Part of the human brain comes pre-wired with instinctual responses such as the fight or flight response.  This part makes sure we remain safe and protected at all times.  These instinctual responses cannot be unplugged or eliminated in any way.  On the other hand, all beliefs, behaviours, attitudes, and emotional reactions are learned from the information that comes in through our senses.   This information originates from all the people and events that we experience in our life.

The human brain also has a second part that forms our logical and reasoning.  This part doesn’t actually start to mature until we are in our mid teens.  So as kids, we process all information through the lens of instinctual protection that’s hard wired into us.

So we expect children to know better but their brain doesn’t really work that way.

Scientists say that it takes an adult 21-28 days to form a new habit (that is if willpower doesn’t derail us first).  Adults have their rational brain matured and still have trouble learning to do things the new way.  How can we expect a child to know better?

Children learn mainly by modeling what we do and not by listening to what we say.  So if we speak to them about doing something one way, and yet our own behaviour is completely different, the child will be very confused and will most likely follow what we do – not what we say.

For example, if a mom tells the child not to speak a certain way about others and then gossips on the phone to her friend, the child will learn to do as the mother does, not as she says.

Of course children also must find their own place in the world and will misbehave and push our boundaries as a natural part of their growth and development.  But they are more apt to turn out as responsible, ethical and authentic adults if we don’t just assume they know better and be good role models.

As a parent you have to examine your own behaviour in an honest way if you’re having difficulty with your child. Remember, you are the source of it.

“Fix me!” I hear this often from people who feel stuck and not sure what to do about it.  This phrase always makes me cringe inside because of the damage it does to people’s mindset.  I used to think I was broken too and that there was a lot wrong with me.  It wasn’t until I began this transformational journey that I realized there are no broken people, only people who misalign their focus and energy.

When you realize that your words and thoughts create your life you do your best to catch all those words you say that don’t support you.  So even armed with this knowledge that what we think about and focus on expands, why is it so hard to change what we say and think?

One of the reasons is becuase we are wired for self preservation and our unconscious mind works on the principle of least effort.  Once we learn to be and do a certain way that becomes a habit for us and we return to doing things the same way, even if that way doesn’t work for us.  Unfortunately this is what our children end up learning from us too – all those habits, behaviors, and patterns that won’t work for them either.

In order for change to be easy we must align it from the inside out.  This means we must want it both at the conscious and unconscious level.  The conscious mind is the one that makes the decisions and sets the goals and the unconscious mind is the one who supports the reaching of the goals.  If the change we want to make is something that doesn’t make sense to the unconcious mind and it doesn’t accept the change, we end up fighting will our willpower and we struggle to achieve our goals.

To help our unconscious mind accept the changes we wish to make it helps to challenge and release negative emotions and other internal limits we learned to live with.   This process allows us to clear out perceptions of what’s possible for us and to notice new opportunities for achieving our goals.

The easiest way to begin this alignment is to focus on what you want and to put your energy into those things.  When you do identify a limiting belief ask yourself how true it is and if it support you.  If it doesn’t then ask yourself what belief would be more appropriate for what you want to achieve.  Our beliefs can change over time and learning to deliberately change the ones that don’t serve us is a huge asset to reaching our goals.

So the next time you feel like you’re broken and you need to be fixed, ask yourself why you think that.  What is it about your life that feels broken and focus on how you can change this so that it feels aligned.  This alignment will ripple through your life immediately and you’ll notice a sense of accomplishment and happiness.  You can also feel good about teaching your children how to believe in what they can do rather than what they can’t.

Our perceived external world is a projection of our internal way of thinking.  Our thinking is influenced by such filters as our language, our upbringing, our culture, and our environment. To change your world outside you must change your world inside.

~Carl Jung

The Power of Contemplation

Kasia recently wrote a fantastic post for me about journaling. This got me thinking about contemplation and how the two are connected.

The word contemplation comes from the Latin root templum (from Greek temnein: to cut or divide). It means separating something from its environment and enclosing it in a sector, i.e. take a single thought or idea and focus on it to the exclusion of everything else.

I like to think of contemplation as different from meditation, in that, meditation’s goal is to be still with no thoughts. Where as contemplation can be used to receive answers to difficult questions.

Contemplation was an important part of the philosophy of Plato; Plato thought that through contemplation the soul may ascend to knowledge of the Form of the Good or other divine Forms. Plotinus as a (neo)Platonic philosopher also expressed contemplation as the most critical of components for one to reach henosis (the union with what is fundamental in reality: the One, the Source or Monad – God).

To Plotinus the highest contemplation was to experience the vision of God, the Monad or the One. Plotinus describes this experience in his works the Enneads. According to his student Porphyry, Plotinus stated that he had this experience of God four times.

On of the easiest way to contemplate is Journaling. By journaling, you’re recording your experience and your feelings about that thought or question. This can be very helpful, because sometimes the answers aren’t immediate. And with contemplation of a past experience the full impact of an experience may not revealed for several years.

Another form of contemplation is connecting with the Spirit or your Higher Source. In this method, you ask yourself a question about whatever it is you’re experiencing, in your life. This begin with I’d suggest a question or situation that has a minimal charge around it, i.e.

“What are 3 things that happened today I’m grateful for?”

Now, keep thinking…contemplating this thoughts and wait for the answer to come from deep within yourself…the answer will come.

At first you’ll be getting conscious answers (from your ego) and as you practice this, your ability to distinguish between your own mind giving you an answer and your Higher Self offering you its wisdom will become more apparent.

I utilize both of these methods to some extent throughout my day. Sometimes, I’m not in a position to journal (like when I’m at work). Other times lend themselves more easily to journaling (like right after my meditation practice).

A third method for contemplation uses both methods in conjunction with each other. Using them together creates a synergy that often unlocks some of the issues you may be really struggling with. When this happens, it can have a profound impact on your life.

Here’s how: Journal about your experience, and the feelings you have about it. Then connect with your Higher Source, and wait for its response. When you receive answers journal about what Higher Source reveals to you.

If you continue to have difficulty with the experience, you can return to this practice multiple times. As I stated before, sometimes, it may take days, weeks, months or even years to fully be able to separate the answers from ego vs. Higher Source…and the wait it worth it!

Step By Step Process

Contemplation can be used to receive guidance for like “How can I…?” and to release a charge associated with a person or situation. For the example below we’ll use releasing a charge around a person.

 Here’s a basic step by step process you can use to begin your contemplation for releasing a charge around a person.

1 – Set your mind to accept answers received within oneself from your Higher Source with in this distinctly internal adventure of contemplation.

2- Recognize a behavior in someone that you strongly dislike. Notice I said a behavior and NOT the person. People are not their behaviors! If you are having trouble with this concept this might be a great subject for contemplation . You can also contemplate on a situation you are experiencing or a abstract idea. For now we’ll use a person.

For instance: “John is mean to me”

Then there are number of ways to contemplate this thoughts and I like to use “The Work” from Byron Katie when it comes to a person or situation.

• Is it true?

 i.e. Is John really mean to me? At first the immediate reaction is yes! Of course it is…he’s done this and that to me.

• Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

To be absolutely true the statement has be true 100% of the time. This is where the deep contemplation comes in. Is this statement true 100% of the time. Better yet…when is this statement NOT true? Like when you’re sleeping or playing with your children.

• How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

This takes some deep “soul searching” and contemplation. We all tend to react instead of respond. Reaction is so unconscious that most of the time we’re not even aware of what we are doing. By contemplating on this thought you are automatically moving from reacting to responding.

• Who would you be without the thought?

This could be the toughest and longest part to the contemplation. When you contemplate this thought around the initial idea you move into a place of change and empowerment.

Then the big one! The Turn Around

After you have investigated your statement with the four questions, you’re ready to turn around the concept you’re questioning.

Each ‘turnaround’ is an opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement and see it from a different perspective.

A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to “my thinking,” when that feels appropriate). Find a minimum of three genuine, specific examples of how each turnaround is true in your life.

For the original statement of “John is mean to me” three examples might be:

• My thinking is mean

• I am mean to myself

• I am mean to John

Now for some fun!

You can take each of the above statements and run them through “The Work” again. What you’ll eventually come to is all your statements and thoughts are neither true all the time, nor false all the time.

This can be very liberating, in that you get to choose the thought. By contemplating and selecting an empowering statement and thought you can move yourself from have no power to creating instant personal empowerment.

I’ve begun writing a new report that I will be offering on my website very soon.  It’s called “Top 5 Ways to Retrain Your Inner Critic.”  I’m so excited about this report because it is the result of my work over the last few years. 

I’ve tried new things and walked different roads and some created more success for me than others.  By taking a look at my successes and what created the biggest changes in my life I realized it was all related to how I communicate with myself. 

There is oodles of scientific research today on how what we think and how we talk to ourselves creates our reality.  I think many people have heard that what they think about expands.  There are movies and books on this subject.  It’s easy to apply if you have the right system and set of tools.  I’m excited because I’ve put together my own set of tools that are based on my years of learning and trying things.  This is what I will be sharing in this report.  The final draft is almost done and my goal is to have it available by this Friday. 

Can’t wait to hear what you think.

I’m very excited to announce that a good friend and colleague of mine will be guest blogging on this blog beginning in June. His expertise in mindset and change work is immense and we’re very much on the same page about what we do, just in different fields of helping others.  He works with athletes and I focus on working with women and moms and others who want to help themselves but don’t know where to start.

My guest blogger is Gregg Swanson of Warrior Mind Coach  and I am very excited to be working with him again. I am excited that he will share his expertise and passion for creating positive change. Stay tuned…his exciting and informative posts will begin in mid June.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
~ Martin Luther King Jr.