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Sile O'Broin

1. Drink at least one Litre of pure water every day (about 4 glasses)
2. Declutter your home and office spaces
3. Consider the payoffs you get from suffering your migraines (ie, they say no for you)
4. Consider what you really believe about your migraines – not what you think you should believe.

Don’t think of a frog prince!
 
Oops!
 
You did, didn’t you?
 
It’s ok, you’re not alone.  There are many parents who tend to think about the stuff they don’t want more than the stuff they
want.  And this is what their kids end up learning to think too – and they all get more of what they don’t want. 
 
I’m sure you’re wondering why that is… simply put it’s because your unconscious (aka the subconscious) mind doesn’t process
negatives. 
 
Wha??? 
 
That’s right.  The subconscious is very literal and has no judgment on the instructions you give it.  So, it follows orders literally
and doesn’t understand what NOT is. 
 
For example, a bunch of insurance companies back in the 1990s did a study of hotels and found that 90% of all slip and fall accidents happen in front of the yellow cones that are placed wherever the floor is slippery.  The cones state “Don’t Slip” and have a picture of a stick figure falling on his/her behind.  So not only are these cones telling you what not to do in words, they are giving you a picture to focus on too!  As you’re walking by, the picture in your subconscious is “slip” and before you can focus on something different (ie, not slipping) you tend fulfill that original picture.
 
So what does this mean for you and the kids learning from you?  You gotta say it how you want it!
 
Do you find yourself always saying or thinking “I don’t want to be so tired!” or “I don’t want to yell all the time?” etc?
 
What your unconscious mind is focusing on is “I want to be so tired” and “I want to yell all the time” and, since it follows
directions literally, it focuses your behaviours, efforts, and attention on being tired or yelling. 
 
This is why all the gurus say it’s important to think positive or say it how you want it.  I can already hear you saying it “Oh
great! More positive thinking! That stuff doesn’t work!”
 
Yes, it does, actually.  But if you have a ton of negative emotions and other gunk in your subconscious you need to clear that out first before you will find it easy to think about what you want.   Think of it like cleaning out a garage of all the junk before you can park your new car in there.  You can do it all at once if you want, or you can do it a little at a time.  The point is to start so that eventually you will be able to park that new car there – aka think differently than you are now.
 
Once you do the clean up it’s easier to focus on what you want and to keep your language clean saying what you do want:
 
“I am vibrant and awake.”

“I am communicating clearly and meaningfully.”
 
So when you want to teach your kids to get what they want out of life, make sure you’re using the cleanest and most positive
language with everything they do.  Make sure the words you say are putting pictures in their heads of what they want instead of what they don’t want. 
 
Instead of “don’t spill the milk” say “keep all the milk in the cup,” or instead of “don’t run because you’ll fall” say “make sure you stay up on your feet.”  This will teach your kids to use language that’s positive too.  (Of course accidents may still happen, but less often.)
 
This goes for you, the parent, too.  The next time you set a goal and find yourself not achieving it because you keep focusing on all the ways in which you are not achieving it, switch to focusing on all the ways in which you are achieving it.  This is what’s going to get you the results you want in your life and your kids lives.

We all have gifts that we can share with the world- we tell our kids they’re talented, and intelligent.  Parents tend to share their kids abilities and discount their own sometimes.

We also have a lot of baggage and tend not to discount this. In fact, I’m sure many of you know people who freely share their baggage with everyone they meet.

 Think about all the conversations you have with others, what do most of them consist of? “I could have done this, but here are all the reasons why I couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, shouldn’t, etc.” 

 How many of you know someone like that or have even said those words yourself? Have you ever been around someone who just complains? Does their energy bring you down? Do you find yourself dreading a meeting with them because you just don’t want to hear it anymore?  There are people who are so negative that their energy just threatens to overwhelm us. 

 We all deal with stuff as we go through our lives. Our society here in the West doesn’t really teach us how to let go of this stuff.  As a kid and even as an adult, were you ever told to get over it and move on?  Do you ever hear yourself saying that to your children? 

 You may be thinking it’s easier said than done to “just get over it,” so why do we even say it?  The truth is, it is easy if you know how.

 There is nothing wrong with having stuff. After all, we’re all emotional beings and we experience loss, pain, frustration, and stress in different ways.  What’s important is how you deal with these emotional states once you experience them.  And how do you teach your kids to express their emotions safely and responsibly?

 You can make one of several choices. One, let the emotions go and learn from the situation. Two, bottle it up. Or Three, hold a grudge and share it with others. 

 Only one of these choices will free you from letting the past have a hold on you and allow you to live life in a positive state.  Be aware, though, that the choices you make are what your kids learn from you. 

 Bottling it up inside can have serious physiological side effects such as stress, dis-ease, or physical pain.  Sharing it with others is really just complaining and making excuses. If your listener is willing and wants to you then it’s definitely ok to talk about your stuff. But if you’re talking about it just to put it on the table and not actually do anything about it, then you’re just using the listener as a dumping ground. 

 So how do you choose to let your stuff go?  There are wonderful tools out there that help to do this and you can choose the one you feel is right for you.  Here are some ideas:

• Everything happens for a reason. When you find yourself in an emotionally charged stated think about what you can learn from the situation. Instead of focusing on the emotion focus on the learning.  Once you have the learning the emotion diffuses.
• Before you decide to share your stuff with someone think about why you’re sharing it. Is it because you want advise on how to solve a problem or just to complain? If you just want to complain, think about how your complaint and negativity will affect them. Will it make their day better?  What are some of your positive gifts that you could share instead?
• Write it down.  Putting negative emotions and thoughts on paper purges them from your mind. You can then do whatever you want with them like recycle them or bury them.
• Ask yourself how holding on to the baggage is serving you. Is it bringing positive things into your life? Is it moving you forward in the direction you want your life to go? If not, how would you rather think and feel about what happened in the past instead that would allow you to bring more positive change in your life?

 It’s good to share with others. We learn to share from our earliest years of life and we teach that to our children.  The key is to know what types of stuff we want to share and that is a life skill that your children would be lucky to learn.  What are some of the things you have taught your kids to share (other than toys)?

I used to think that spiritual people were monks sitting on top of a mountain, back straight, legs crossed, index finger and thumb touching, chanting “OM….” for days.

I’ll admit the monk thing was not my idea of fun. I don’t care how good meditation is for you – sitting on top of a mountain is not what I wanted to spend my life doing.

I had basically decided that spirituality was an uncomfortable and boring activity for those who had the time to sit around meditating all day. As a busy mom and business owner, I definitely didn’t have that kind of time!

Then I got a fresh perspective on what spirituality really is. And it’s not just for monks! In fact, I realized my family life and my work are pretty spiritual – I’d just had the wrong definition in my head all this time!

I heard eight mentors speak at the I Can Do It conference. Several of them – Dr Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson – I would consider to be super spiritual. If you read their books or even just their quotes – they ooze spirit!

As I sat there listening to them speak I noticed that they were funny…they joked! They… (gasp) swore on the stage! At times they fumbled and even bumbled through their speeches and yet their message was so clear! These lessons became apparent to me.

Lesson 1: Spirituality is not perfection. All eight of those speakers have been doing their work for years and they still mess up. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes as long as you continue to bring your best self to the table for everything you do. As parents we encourage our children to always do their best rather than be perfect. It’s time we expected the best rather than perfection from ourselves too – so our kids don’t learn that perfection is better.

Lesson 2: Spirituality is not something you only do sometimes. In fact once you discover that you have always been plugged into your source of inner wisdom – you live according to that wisdom. Finding the plug is simple when you quiet your thoughts every day for a few minutes. No, you don’t have to meditate for hours. It’s just like taking a time out to be with yourself. We give our kids time outs for misbehaving. A better idea would be to encourage quiet time for everyone in the family every day to just be. No misbehaving required!

Lesson 3: Spirituality is not boring. No, you don’t have to sit meditating on top of a mountain all day long. In fact, there is not even one “right” way to meditate. You can have fun and laugh and be silly with your friends and family. The important thing is to love yourself as much as you love others – and teach this to your children.

My own skewed definition of spirituality prevented me from openly coming out about the fact that I apply spiritual principles in my life and work. It seems silly now, but I thought I was “doing spirituality wrong” because I didn’t meditate all day like a monk. Once I realized there is no right or wrong way to be spiritual - I was ready to share it.

 So there it is! I bring in spiritual principles into parenting and I use them in my work. What are these principles?

• Bringing your best self to everything you do.
• Being plugged into your inner wisdom.
• Asking and receiving.
• Love, tolerance, compassion, patience, conviction.
• Taking 100% responsibility for your actions, inactions and decisions.

And I’m sure there are many more. Spirituality is not a “one size fits all” box. There are many ways to create a healthy family and work life balance and live an inspired life. Once you’re clear on what spirituality means to you then embrace it. Live it and be it. it will bring you closer to your Self’s true expression.

We had many spiritual and metaphysical “legends” come and speak and teach at the recent I Can Do It conference in Vancouver.  The main message that I took gleaned was that living your best life isn’t hard, dark, or BORING!  Really it comes down to accepting yourself – warts and all, and then putting your best self out there not just for others but especially for yourself. 

Dr Wayne Dyer, one of the keynote speakers, talked about the four qualities of an enlightened person – and what I live about these is that they are really simple – and we can all practice them!  Spontaneous enlightenment is absolutely possible – that would be cool!  And we can also work on it every day, taking the slower route as we reach out for life. 

Here are the qualities Dr Dyer discussed in general.  They can easily be applied to our daily life as parents.

1. Being independent of the good opinion of others.  This is a common one that parents can get wrapped up in.  They worry about what others think – whether it’s positive or negative.  It’s easy to get caught up in this because if you don’t love yourself unconditionally you will seek out validation outside yourself.  It definitely takes practice to put your best self out there and realize that when you do, you don’t have to worry about what others think.  This is a life skill for kids to learn too.  Self love and self respect are tremendously powerful antidotes to peer pressure. 

2. Being detached from the outcome: Have dreams and goals and take action – but don’t hold on to the how too tightly.  To me this means being flexible in your approach to how you achieve things in your life – no matter what they are.  All parents want a happy family, self assured kids, meaningful communication, feeling connected, etc.  And there is no one way to get there…so stay open to the possibilities.  The important thing is knowing what it is we want exactly, then use the tools that come our way to eliminate stress, set good goals, and stay focused, and help us along our path. 

3. Not investing any energy/time into the control of others.  This means allowing others to bring their best self to everything.  This doesn’t mean not enforcing your boundaries and keeping yourself and your family safe.  There is a difference between teaching your children certain boundaries/rules and wanting to control every bit of their life.  Sure, sometimes it would be so much easier and faster for our kids to just do it our way, but we have to realize that kids also have their own lessons to learn. 

4. See the unfolding of God/Source in everyone.  This means putting aside your judgments of others and yourself.  We are all connected and scientists are even proving this with hard facts and data now.  Our kids learn from what we do and say, so practicing kindness, tolerance, acceptance, and similar qualities is important to set our kids up to succeed.  Oftentimes we get so caught up in looking at the differences between people that we forget how similar we all are.

If you practice each of these daily and forgive youself when you slip up – because we all do – you’re going to be the change you want to see in the world.  And your kids will be there right along with you.

Successful people make decisions quickly even if they don’t have all the information.  Unsuccessful people tend to want to research more and know everything before they make a decision.  My coach Fabienne Fredrickson, underlines this every time we speak.  The reason successful people are able to make decisions so quickly is because they know what they want. They have clearly defined their vision and goals and are able to, in an instant, ascertain if a given decision will bring them closer or further away from that vision.

Imagine you have two weeks to have fun and relax on holidays.   You decided to get in your car and drive somewhere.  Without knowing where you are going on holidays you will spend the two weeks driving around, wasting energy and gas, and getting very frustrated. 

The unfortunate phenomenon is that some parents go through life like this – and create frustration for themselves and their family.  The kids learn this and end up repeating the same cycles in their own lives.

I’m not saying you need to write down goals for absolutely everything in your family life.  I do think that it’s good for parents to be on the same page and to know what types of life skills, values, and beliefs they want children to learn from them.  There are many important things to learn that are not necessarily taught in school. 

This is simple to do – have a conversation with your partner or with whoever is an influencer in your children’s lives and talk about what type of family dynamic you want to create.  What type of relationship do you want to have with your children?  How do you want to communicate with them? How do you want to help them have the best shot at success in life?

We’ve done this in our family and we can steer through situations and decisions easily because we know what we want.  Even with the things we can’t necessarily control, it’s easier to act or respond because we have a foundation from which we’re working together. 

Teaching your children about creating a vision and goals for your family will give them an incredible gift to do the same in all areas of their life.  Knowing where you’re going will make it easy for you to know when you get there.  I hear parents say all the time “I just want to be happy.” Well, if happiness hit you in the face, would you know it?  Of course, happiness is what we all want for our children and for ourselves – and we need to know what that means to us so that we don’t miss it when we get it.

We’re entering an age where anything is possible.  It’s always been this way – and now more and more people are becoming aware of it.  We can change anything about our lives – as long as we’re willing to put in the effort.  It’s not about working harder – it’s about working smarter and more effectively. 

The hardest part of any change is being ready to change.  Once you decide that you’re ready the change happens very quickly – instantly even!  Usually when the student is ready the teachers appear – as Dr Wayne Dyer says.  So when you become ready the right person, book, workshop, or experience shows up.

Let’s say you’re ready to deal with family baggage and stress.  You’ve tolerated the stress, miscommunication, and weight of it all and it’s taking a toll on your wellbeing.  Perhaps it’s causing rifts between you and your spouse or children.  Perhaps your body is in pain or ill. 

You realize that in order to eliminate your stress, regain control of yourself, and how you respond to the situations that arise, you are the one who has initiate the change.  You realize that this has nothing to do with fault or blame – and everything to do with personal responsibility.  You can’t change anyone else – you can only change your responses or reactions to others’.  This puts the power back into your own hands.

The most important step to creating positive change is to clean out all the baggage that you’re carrying around.  All your anger, sadness, fears, guilt, hurt, and any limits that you’ve adopted as truths for yourself.  If you’ve always pushed down negative emotions because you learned just to “get over it” then it’s like carrying around a concrete back pack.

Your unconscious mind stores all these emotions and limits and they impact all your decisions and behaviors.  They act as gunk and sludge through which you perceive your world.  Once this gunk and sludge is cleaned out you gain clarity, lightness, and relief – you literally feel happier and more in control of your emotions. 

Time Empowerment® Therapy is a rapid way to release this baggage.  It’s a powerful technique that has been used by governments in North America and Europe to help soldiers recover from Post traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  It works with your mind’s existing ability to release negative emotions.  Ask yourself this – have you ever been angry or sad about something that you’re no longer angry or sad about?  Your mind is already capable of releasing a negative emotion and Time Empowerment® Therapy lets you consciously drive this process rather than waiting for it to happen randomly. 

During  February 2011 Fresh Perspective Family is holding a contest and we’re giving away 5 complimentary session of Time Empowerment® Therapy.  Go to our Facebook page and “Like” it and post your comment to enter the contest.  The winner will be announced in the next issue of this ezine.  If you know of anyone who could benefit from this process let them know that they can enter the contest too.  Simply have them “Like” the Fresh Perspective Family Facebook page and post their comment that they want to enter.

Ever have one of “those days?”  It`s human to have off days – I get that.  But for me it used to be such a downer and I still get caught in the trap of “I have to have it all figured out, so don`t tell anyone!”  Silly, I know.  So what to do about that feeling?

I used to just shut myself down and wallow.  That didn`t work well, let me tell you.  It made my days worse because I was either cranky or unemotional like a zombie.  Not a good way to build a healthy family home life. 

I have a way better way to get through days like that.  I know they will come up – and I`m ok with it! Because now I give myself permission to feel off.   My mindset is on track 95% of the time and the other 5% I give myself the benefit of the doubt.  This has done wonders for creating a meaningful relationship with my own self.

I also rely on my trusty list.  I`ve written down all the thinfs that I could think of that I would need to do to reach my goals this year.  And so when I`m in a funk and bordering on floundering around – I just pick something on my list and do it!  It`s amazing how much my day goes up from there because as I get absorbed into the task, I focus my energy on the progress towards my vision. 

My other option is to just let myself be for the day and be ok with that too.  I don`t always have to accomplish anything.  Actually I`ve really learned the value of simply being. 

I`d love to know what all you moms and dads do when you have one of “those days?”  Please leave your comments.

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Have you ever felt so happy that you thought you could just fly or burst with the fulfillment and elation you felt?

Have you ever felt so angry or so sad that your body shook with the rage or seemed to shut itself down from the weight of that emotion?

Emotions are powerful enough to evoke physical reactions in our bodies. And emotions come from our reactions to the world around us – from what we perceive the world to be and from what we tell ourselves about our world. Negative self talk causes us to feel differently than positive self talk. There is a growing body of scientific evidence that being positive or kind towards yourself can save your life in many ways.

Dr Deepak Chopra, an MD and Quantum Biologist, discovered that neurotransmitters exist in every cell in our body. These are chemicals that transmit messages from the brain and scientists used to think they existed only in the brain. So when we think a thought that causes an emotion, that emotion travels with the neurotransmitter throughout our body – it is not just confined to our brain.

What’s more, when a cell in our body dies, its replacement is set up to receive the type of neurotransmitter that the dead cell received most often. This means that if the brain constantly flooded the body with happy or excited messages/emotions, the new cells will have more receptor sites for happy neurotransmitters. If, on the other hand, the body was flooded with anger, sadness, fear, or guilt, the new cells will be programmed to receive the negative neurotransmitters. This is one reason why some people are always looking on the bright side and why some wouldn’t know happiness if it hit them in the face. They are programmed for that emotion down to the cellular level.

Science has proven that excess amounts of stress and negative emotions absolutely impact our bodies. In fact, too much negative emotion has been correlated to the following dis-eases, as presented by the Journal of the American Medical Association (6/1996) and Advanced Neuro Dynamics (4/2009):

Anger: heart attack, heightened cholesterol

Sadness: weakened immune system, depression

Fear: excessive stress, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), phobia

Guilt: lowered healing energy, cancer

So how does kindness save your life? Here are 5 ways:

1. When you’re kind to yourself and you speak to yourself in a positive and empowering way, your body is healthier throughout your life because you don’t attract dis-ease all the time and you don’t feel drained and empty at the end of the day.

2. Your cells receive the positive neurotransmitters more often than the negative ones which means you’re better able to handle negativity when it does come up. You don’t experience an emotional roller coaster; rather your emotional wellbeing is steady and positive.

3. Your relationship with your children is more meaningful and close. When you love yourself you automatically treat yourself better. Your children model this behaviour and learn to love themselves and are more authentic and self assured individuals. They learn that self care is of utmost importance in life.

4. Your partner, friends, and others in your life feel more comfortable around you because when your self talk is positive, you radiate that out to the world. Others can trust that you’re not going to be a negative “ninny” and bring the mood down or complain all the time. Your life is fuller because people genuinely enjoy being around you.

5. Your internal positive focus attracts to you external positives. Whether this means opportunities in your business or chosen career, in your personal life, or with your family, your life is full with experiences that enrich your time here. You know that your life has meaning to you and others.

It’s important to practice positive self talk and do give yourself a break when you catch yourself talking down to yourself. You’ll know you’re making progress when you’re in the heat of an emotional moment or under pressure and rather than reacting and saying mean things to yourself (like you used to in the past), you remain calm and are kind to yourself. Dr Wayne Dyer has a great quote that says “Orange juice comes out of an orange when it’s squeezed. What comes out of you when you’re squeezed (under pressure) is what’s truly inside.” Kindness leads to a better life for yourself and your children in countless ways.

There’s a great quote that I’ve read that always makes me stop and reflect:

      “To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

The first time I read it I had a light bulb go on.  It takes real courage to do.  As much as being is important, doing can teach us a lot.  And not just doing for the sake of keeping busy.  I`m referring to the doing of that which naturally takes us closer to fulfilling our purpose here.

All the advancements in our civilization have come from others doing things – and facing the scrutiny and criticism of others.  I’ve come to realize that when we criticize or judge the ideas or work of others it’s because we either don’t believe, are afraid, or lack courage ourselves.  And by criticism I don`t mean authentic and well intended feedback that leads to improvement and growth.

Every time we criticize or judge it’s because something in the subject/object of our criticism brought up our own “stuff” – something we dislike in ourselves.  We can defend our own point of view by labeling the subject/object any number of names that we hope justifies our point of view.  Deep down, though, it`s all meant to deflect our attention away from whatever we are uncomfortable with inside ourselves. 

Human beings won`t stop creating, thinking, building, writing, learning…doing.  Every person, situation, and thing we are faced with in our life can teach us something.  We can either choose to judge and criticize it or we can choose to look within ourselves and learn something about ourselves when our “stuff” comes up.  Self reflection and learning take just as much courage as putting our creations and ideas out there for others to experience.

Children have a natural tendency to experience the world with awe and wonder.  They don`t automatically jump to what`s wrong with something that someone else created.  Children are courageous and ask questions and explore the old, the new, the regular and the different.  Children must be taught to judge and criticize – and I don`t know if that`s an important lesson to have to learn…what do you think?

Unlearning the act of criticism is something that also take courage.  And once we`re able to experience the ideas and works of others with the same type of awe that children do, we will feel a sense of freedom.  Of course not every idea or creation will fit into our own model of the world – but perhaps it will teach us something.  As parents we can then help our children to continue to have open minds and hearts and the courage to be and do what they are here for.  By letting go of judgment and criticism we open ourselves up to experiencing the world from a new direction.  By realizing that our ideas and creations will help others hopefully learn something, no matter how big or small, we have the courage to continue doing instead of choosing to be, say, or do nothing.