The rides at Disneyland are so fun! And what I noticed about them is that getting to the ride is as much fun and exciting – if not more – than the ride itself. The Indiana Jones ride, for example, is so realistic! You get to walk through underground dungeons and pathways, creepy tombs, and jungle-like forests. Then you get in a jeep and it rattles you around for 45 seconds while you escape bandits and snakes. I actually came out of that ride feeling a little sick to my stomach from all the rattling around.

But I was really profoundly moved by the whole experience – and unexpectedly so. Here I was having crazy fun with the family and taking in all the surroundings and my unconscious mind was taking it all in at a whole other level. I realized that I really enjoyed having fun and that it wasn’t hard at all! I don’t know why I forgot to have fun in the first place.

Enjoying the “getting there” and not just the ride was only one of my realizations. After spending 6 hours drawing in the sand and playing in the waves at Laguna Beach I realized that fun can be so simple. It doesn’t require fancy anything really.

I really connected with the kids and with myself on our trip – and I had so been longing for more connection.

Now we are having conversations about how we keep that relaxation and fun at home. Sure I would love to move to the beach and spend the next two years sitting there and listening to the waves beat the shore. But I don’t believe that I should have to uproot everything just to relax and have fun. So we’re making a family plan for fun. I’m really excited!

We didn’t express gratitude in the family when I was younger. I don’t remember ever sitting around at dinner and talking about things we are thankful for.

In fact, one of my earliest memories is of me expressing how grateful I was to have a healthy body and mind and my father scoffing at me and telling me that’s a stupid thing to say. I think I was 4 years old at the time.

As a child one of the most important gifts in life is to have the approval of your parents – of anyone in the family. If you don’t have it, it doesn’t matter what else you have, deep down you feel inadequate.

This is how I felt for many years of my life. Until very recently, actually, when a dear colleague of mine took me out for coffee after notcing how overwhelmed I appeared to him. During our conversation it became clear to me that I still looked to people and things outside of myself for approval. Even as a highly educated adult, a mother, a wife, a published author and speaker, and all those other accolades that I have collected – I felt inadequate in the eyes of the world.

I cried when I realized this.

And then I expressed gratitude: to  my colleague for his powerful questions and his patience. To myself for being willing to look in places inside where these old beliefs are hidden. And to my dad for teaching me this important lesson about how it all starts in the family.

My husband, Bryan, and I openly talk with our children about how grateful we are for them and for our lives. With our kids it’s been easy to say “I’m grateful for you.” But when I tried expressing these same words to Bryan, it took me two weeks to muster up the courage because I felt inadequate. And when I finally did I was terrified that he would reject my gratitude…just like my dad had rejected it. I cried when I told Bryan how grateful I am to have him in my life. Bryan beamed at me.

So now I am practicing gratitude in the family and in my every day – especially for myself and all the things I do. This is my way of feeling adequate and allowing that adequacy to shine from the inside out.

I’m grateful for all the nuts in my family – especially my kids and Bryan.  

I’m grateful that we can have fun and laugh and that my kids feel safe talking to me about anything.

I’m grateful for all their random hugs and “I love yous.”

I’m grateful for all the love and support I have of colleagues, friends, and my whole family as I take steps on this journey that I’m on. You all mean the world to me!

It’s Thanksgiving in Canada today – but we don’t need to wait for this special day to have gratitude in the family. I wish that all parents would tell their children all the time how grateful they are for their children. And I wish that all people would spend more time forcusing on being grateful for what they have and are, instead of what they aren’t and don’t have.

Have you ever gone to the store with your child only to have said child throw a spectacular meltdown in the aisle? Or have you experienced that scenario one too many times and now refuse to go anywhere near a store with your child?

A mom recently told me about how this used to happen to her and what she changed to make it stop!

This scenario usually happens because your child wants something and your answer is “not this time” or “not right now” or some variation. The child gets frustrated because she can’t have what she wants and expresses her emotions by crying or yelling so that hopefully you will give in.

So how do you avoid a situation like this without getting frustrated at your kids? The first thing you need to do is understand a bit about your child’s brain. The second thing you need to do is some preparation.

1.  Children don’t have their rational and logical brain function developed. This part of the human brain doesn’t begin to develop until the age of about 15. A child also doesn’t fully understand the concept of time and so your answers “not this time” or “not right now” are very vague. These answers mean nothing to kids other than it’s not the “yes” they wanted to hear from you.  So they continue to ask you every time you go to the store because they don’t know if this time your answer will be “yes, this time” or “yes, right now.” You get frustrated by their constant asking and they get frustrated by your vague responses.
2.  The preparation you need to do is simply having an answer for your child that makes sense to them and is age appropriate and that you’re comfortable with. Remember, you’re playing the part of logic and reasoning for your kids, so make sure that whatever you say to them is specific and makes sense at their age. This will depend on what they are asking for and what store you are in.

For example:

•  If it’s a toy and they already have three of the same kind, say “You already have three of those and you can play with them when we get home. We will not buy any more of the same toy.
• You could also tell your kids when and where you are prepared to buy a certain item: “We will buy those when we do our back to school shopping in July.”
• Or you can tell your child that they can put a certain item on their birthday, Christmas, or other list of gifts that they want.
• You can also suggest to them that they can save up their allowance or money they earn from chores to buy the item themselves.

Responses such as these will not only teach your children about how money works, how to budget money, and how they can be responsible for the things they want, but also patience. These are life skills that are invaluable for all ages, adults included. And once your children learn that your responses are logical and that they can be in control of the situation to a certain degree, they will behave themselves. This will give you, the parent, the ability to behave too.

 Imagine… no more frustrating bickering matches in the aisles…getting complimented by complete strangers about how well behaved your children are….and knowing that you’re teaching your kids important reasoning skills that they will be able to use throughout life.

I know I’m getting better and better all the time.  And I know I’m for SURE better than I used to be.  My spiritual practices are paying off and allowing me to pay it forward.

With the kids being home from school during the summer we have a way different schedule.  My husband has been working super ealy morning shifts so that we can have our evenings together as a family.  (Before he would get home after the kids were in bed. )  So his getting up at 3 am to be at work for 5 is making things interesting for sure.  The kids stay up late and still get up early and so emotions can run high sometimes.

Here’s the cool part – I’m calm!!  Yes, I get frazzled but it’s not as blow-my-lid frazzled as I used to get.  I’m 99 % more calm than frazzled.

Before, I would just let others’ energy affect me pretty much instantly.  I would take a bite out of their problem and feel whatever they were feeling – even though it wasn’t my stuff.  Now I can leave others’ stuff alone and feel what I want to feel instead of being sucked in.

This afternoon my daughter had a spectacular melt down over an activity book that she’s been working on.  I was pleasantly observing my interaciton with her and noticing how different my response was compared to when I used to just go straight into emotional reaction.

I’ve become very aware of my own emotional state in every moment. It’s very liberating and exciting for me.  I’m especially excited that I can now model how to respond instead of reacting for the kids.  Emotions are great – don’t get me wrong.  But in many situations a calm response is so much more effective than a freak out.

My brother and his wife welcomed their first child yesterday.  He arrived at a healthy 8 lbs 2 oz and with a full head of hair.  He’s quite possibly the handsomest little baby next to my own son (of course!).

We went to visit him (and the parents) at the hospital and as we all marvelled at how perfect he is, I started to think about what great things he will accomplish and who he will become in his life.  Babies have this ability to make us think of all the possibilities that exist for them.  He’s like a blank slate just waiting to have greatness and potential written on it.

As we grow older we tend to forget that we don’t actually lose that greatness and potential – ever!  We always have the ability to make our life into whatever we want.  But somewhere along the journey of our life we decide that we can’t do things or we can’t have things.  We become this product of our conditioning and life experience. 

A good friend and owner of Awakening Works once shared some guiding principles with me and they have become the cornerstones of my life and my business.

1. We are beings of Unlimited Possibilities with potential just waiting to be discovered – believe in yours.
2. Self Awareness and Self Understanding are what propels us to create positive change in our life
3. When we are committed to Excellence and make Conscious Choices every day we become masters of ourselves
4. Accountability and Self-Discipline create Momentum
5. Success and Happiness are always Psychological – when you change how you viewthe world, how you respond, and how you think you change your reality.

I encourage my kids and my clients to practice each of these until they become second nature.  My life has become richer and successful in all ways because of these ideas.

Kasia Rachfall helps you stop letting your past to determine your future and your now. Did the above resonate with you? Do you disagree? Do you have a new insight to add? Please share your thoughts.

I finally watched the Oprah finale and I bawled the whole time.  She inspired me and made me believe and this was the first show of hers that I’d ever seen.  We’ve never been a big TV watching family so we haven’t had cable for years.  My personal opinion is that most shows on TV are uninspiring to say the least, but I do wish I had been able to watch Oprah. 

Every night before I fall asleep I ask for clarity on issues or topics that I can’t resolve on my own.  Usually it’s Angels (yes, we all talk to Angels in our house) or my Spirit Guides who give me direction, last night, it was Oprah.  And here is what she said:

“You have to do one thing at a time because you’re scattered.  Find the meaningful and work on it until it’s completed.  You can work on the meaningful in many ways, just make sure it’s one thing at a time.”

This dream was so vivid that it almost didn’t seem like a dream.   I’m so grateful because those words helped me out a lot.  So I’ve made a list of all the projects that I will finish that I have on the go.  And even though for some reason I’ve resisted it, I will block off chunks of time to do my work until things are finished – no distractions.  I have my egg timer all ready to count time for me and I’ll keep you posted on how it’s going.  I’m excited to finish a bunch of stuff because lots of new projects are coming down the pipe.

Kasia Rachfall helps parents stop letting their past to determine their future and their now.  Did the above resonate with you? Do you disagree? Do you have a new insight to add?  Please share your thoughts.

My kids aren’t usually the snuggly type – sometimes I have to steal hugs.  Actually, I think they play a game with me because they make it pretty easy for me to catch them and hug them to pieces.   They’ve always been active and squirmy kids even as babies and I’m not sure what the snuggle factor depends on. 

I make it a point to hug them as often as I can during the day and say “I love you” to them.  And I LOVE it when they do it back to me – sometimes I will feel two little arms around me out of the blue and my heart just melts!

My son told me once that they were talking about hugs in class at school and that everyone needs to get 10 hugs during the day.  He gives them to me all at once when he remembers.  I wonder if there is an expert opinion on the required or recommended number of hugs and snuggles for kids? And for mommies and daddies?

How do much do your kids hug? Does it depend on the age? And I would love to know your ideas on how to increase the snuggle factor from kids?

So the kids are on spring break for two weeks and oooops, I forgot that it was coming and scheduled a bunch of meetings and work stuff.  In the past I would have freaked out about how much work I wasn’t going to get done.

This time I made a much smarter decision.  I decided that I was going to enjoy this time with my kids and reschedule what I could, and deliver on what couldn’t be rescheduled.  Much simpler.  Much more relaxing.  And I am much happier.

Now I can go out and jump on the trampoline with the kids or take them hiking without having my work on my mind, encroaching on their time.   I can play Wii golf or bowling with them and make them waffles for breakfast without feeling rushed.

I know that parents can get so caught up in doing things on their to do list that they miss out on the fun stuff.  What’s worse, is they feel guilty about not spending mindful time with the kids because their mind is spinning with so much other stuff.  Now, negative emotions have a specific purpose – but that purpose is not to make you feel bad about your parenting. 

As parents we have lots of responsibilities – work, kids, self care, eating, sleeping.  We have to get clear on what our most important responsibilities are, and then to create a flow that works for us.  To prioritize what we want to accomplish with our time – not just daily, but in our whole life.  So then when something unexpected happens (like spring break that was on the calendar all year, I just forgot to look ahead) we can reorganize our time to reflect our priorities. 

Of course my work is important, and so is my self care, but nothing is more important to me than my family.  These two weeks of time spent with my kids will create lifetime memories and more a meaningful relationship for us.  That fuels my soul even more than my work does.  My purpose here is to empower children and I choose to begin with my own.

Your language doesn’t just define your reality – it creates it.  It’s important to watch your language especially when it comes to creating a healthy family home now and when your kids are teenagers.

I’ve had a book called The One Minute Millionaire on my book shelf for at least 4 years. It’s written by Mark Victor Hansen and Robert G Allen. I picked it up last week and in the first few pages I read something so profound that it’s taken me a few days to process it. It’s one of those pieces of information that I was aware of and had heard before but I just wasn’t ready to understand yet.

This time I was ready.

It said “To become a millionaire you first have to decide to be one.”

This struck me as so profound because I realized that that’s the first step to achieving anything! Deciding to do it! And of course I’ve made decisions in the past and achieved things, but there have been a few things in my life that have so disorganized that they seemed unreachable.

Many people dream of becoming a millionaire, including me. And what was even more profound is the shift that I felt when I decided to be one instead of just dreaming about it. Holy moly! I felt charged up, energized, and even more on purpose. I anchored that feeling right away.

The book went on to describe that you can make your million the slow way (saving a bit every month in a high interest account) or the fast way (in real estate, business, etc). And what’s more, is you can work on both ways at the same time!

This floored me. Positively just stopped me in my tracks. Of course you can do it both ways at once!

I immediately thought how can I apply this new way of thinking to other areas in my life? I don’t know why I had pigeon holed myself into thinking that there is only one right way to do something – whether it’s in a career, a relationship, or in health. For some reason I had decided that I couldn’t work on a goal or a vision in more than one way. That once you choose a way you stick to it until you think it’s time to change and then you choose a new way. That’s silly!

Now as I’ve processed these amazing insights life got a whole lot easier. Combined with my new understanding of what a vision is…I can achieve whatever I want! And I’ve always known that, of course, but it seems like now the HOW just became clearer.

I want to have a certain relationship with my husband, my kids, my friends; I want to have my finances a certain way; I want my business to be a certain way…and NOW I can see more than ONE WAY to get there!! Doesn’t that take the pressure off?

As I sit here writing I am still processing how groundbreaking this was for me. I would love to know if this has changed your approach to your goals in any way? Please comment and share.