You and I and all human beings see the world through our own unique lens – kind of like looking through a windshield. As kids we’re born with a clean windshield and it gets smudged and cluttered up by what we learn as we grow and mature.

As a kid you experience and are told things about the world and you learn based everything that happens to you. Your conscious mind processes only a fraction of the total information that your senses are exposed to. The rest is filtered by your subconscious mind according to what it’s been conditioned to focus on – all the “stuff” on your windshield. What you focus on influences your results in life.

If you’ve ever seen a movie with your best friend or your spouse and you loved it but they didn’t, you what I mean. Two people can experience the same event in very different ways because of their windshield and what they focus on. Two people can also come from a very similar background and upbringing, have the same opportunities come their way and one will succeed and the other will struggle.

When everything in your life is working for you this means your windshield is allowing you to focus on what you want. But if you’re struggling, feeling stressed about miscommunication with your spouse or your boss, feeling like you don’t have enough meaningful connection with your children, or fighting with your health and fitness, it means your windshield is dirty. You’re focusing on what’s not working and on all the ways you try to change and it’s still not working.

To permanently change your circumstances easily, you need to start with cleaning your mental windshield. This will allow you to focus on new ways of approaching your problem and give you a fresh perspective on how you can achieve what you want. The reason for this is simple. The information that is allowed to pass through your filters influences your view of your world, your emotional state, your physiology. These three in turn make up your behaviour and lead to your results.

For example, studies have shown that negative people may perceive excitement as anger. Positive people would perceive excitement as just that: a happy and energetic state of being. Consider how differently you would behave if you perceived an excited person to be angry versus if you perceived them to be happy.

It doesn’t mean one perception is right and one is wrong, it just means that when you change your perceptions you change your experience of the world. Remember that as a parent, you’re largely responsible for your what’s on your children’s windshields because they model your behaviour. They learn your habits, your struggles, and your triumphs.

 What do you want them to model after you?

 Here are 3 questions that will assist you in cleaning your own windshield. First, consider the areas of your life where you’re not experiencing the results you want. Second, ask yourself these questions and write out your answers.

1. What perceptions of the world do you have that are sabotaging your success in this area?
2. What negative beliefs do you have about what you can and can’t do? About what’s possible or impossible? Write out your top 10.
3. How will your life change if you believe simply that you are in the process of accomplishing anything you want?

My brother and his wife welcomed their first child yesterday.  He arrived at a healthy 8 lbs 2 oz and with a full head of hair.  He’s quite possibly the handsomest little baby next to my own son (of course!).

We went to visit him (and the parents) at the hospital and as we all marvelled at how perfect he is, I started to think about what great things he will accomplish and who he will become in his life.  Babies have this ability to make us think of all the possibilities that exist for them.  He’s like a blank slate just waiting to have greatness and potential written on it.

As we grow older we tend to forget that we don’t actually lose that greatness and potential – ever!  We always have the ability to make our life into whatever we want.  But somewhere along the journey of our life we decide that we can’t do things or we can’t have things.  We become this product of our conditioning and life experience. 

A good friend and owner of Awakening Works once shared some guiding principles with me and they have become the cornerstones of my life and my business.

1. We are beings of Unlimited Possibilities with potential just waiting to be discovered – believe in yours.
2. Self Awareness and Self Understanding are what propels us to create positive change in our life
3. When we are committed to Excellence and make Conscious Choices every day we become masters of ourselves
4. Accountability and Self-Discipline create Momentum
5. Success and Happiness are always Psychological – when you change how you viewthe world, how you respond, and how you think you change your reality.

I encourage my kids and my clients to practice each of these until they become second nature.  My life has become richer and successful in all ways because of these ideas.

Kasia Rachfall helps you stop letting your past to determine your future and your now. Did the above resonate with you? Do you disagree? Do you have a new insight to add? Please share your thoughts.

I’m amazed at the fear I feel every time I feel like I want to be vulnerable with the world.  My first automatic thought is that “they’ll” think I’m some whiner.  The truth is, I’m allowed to be a whiner! I’ve finally accepted the fact that I have crappy days and I’m allowed to feel my emotions. I don’t have to have it all figured out and I don’t have to have all the answers – not instantly.  Sometimes not at all. 

I don’t expect perfection from my clients, my kids, or my husband – then why do I keep expecting it from myself? Hmmm…

So today as I was experiencing one of “those days” I decided to take a different approach.  Yes, I cried and I even thought “Why me? I want a happily ever after and I want it now!” for a few minutes. 

Then I got really mad. 

I got mad and I started taking action like never before on stuff that’s been on the back burner.  I didn’t feel like doing the usual to-do list so I looked at that back burner.  And you know what…? It felt good!

In fact, it fired up emotions, conviction, and the drive to do things differently.  It got me thinking outside the box.

I’m still mad and a little part of me still feels like it’s not fair.  But I’m actually really grateful that I took my anger and channeled it into moving myself forward instead of into chocolate or those really yummy chocolate chip bars I baked for the kids. 

I feel really empowered that I got the courage to share this too.  I know all moms have days and experience stuff that seems not fair.  Even those moms who pretend they don’t and those moms who don’t allow themselves to admit it. (I used to be one).

It’s liberating! Do it! Come clean with yourself and that alone will make you feel better!

For all moms (and dads) out there…what’s the biggest insight you’ve ever gotten out of one of “those days?”

Have you ever felt so happy that you thought you could just fly or burst with the fulfillment and elation you felt?

Have you ever felt so angry or so sad that your body shook with the rage or seemed to shut itself down from the weight of that emotion?

Emotions are powerful enough to evoke physical reactions in our bodies. And emotions come from our reactions to the world around us – from what we perceive the world to be and from what we tell ourselves about our world. Negative self talk causes us to feel differently than positive self talk. There is a growing body of scientific evidence that being positive or kind towards yourself can save your life in many ways.

Dr Deepak Chopra, an MD and Quantum Biologist, discovered that neurotransmitters exist in every cell in our body. These are chemicals that transmit messages from the brain and scientists used to think they existed only in the brain. So when we think a thought that causes an emotion, that emotion travels with the neurotransmitter throughout our body – it is not just confined to our brain.

What’s more, when a cell in our body dies, its replacement is set up to receive the type of neurotransmitter that the dead cell received most often. This means that if the brain constantly flooded the body with happy or excited messages/emotions, the new cells will have more receptor sites for happy neurotransmitters. If, on the other hand, the body was flooded with anger, sadness, fear, or guilt, the new cells will be programmed to receive the negative neurotransmitters. This is one reason why some people are always looking on the bright side and why some wouldn’t know happiness if it hit them in the face. They are programmed for that emotion down to the cellular level.

Science has proven that excess amounts of stress and negative emotions absolutely impact our bodies. In fact, too much negative emotion has been correlated to the following dis-eases, as presented by the Journal of the American Medical Association (6/1996) and Advanced Neuro Dynamics (4/2009):

Anger: heart attack, heightened cholesterol

Sadness: weakened immune system, depression

Fear: excessive stress, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), phobia

Guilt: lowered healing energy, cancer

So how does kindness save your life? Here are 5 ways:

1. When you’re kind to yourself and you speak to yourself in a positive and empowering way, your body is healthier throughout your life because you don’t attract dis-ease all the time and you don’t feel drained and empty at the end of the day.

2. Your cells receive the positive neurotransmitters more often than the negative ones which means you’re better able to handle negativity when it does come up. You don’t experience an emotional roller coaster; rather your emotional wellbeing is steady and positive.

3. Your relationship with your children is more meaningful and close. When you love yourself you automatically treat yourself better. Your children model this behaviour and learn to love themselves and are more authentic and self assured individuals. They learn that self care is of utmost importance in life.

4. Your partner, friends, and others in your life feel more comfortable around you because when your self talk is positive, you radiate that out to the world. Others can trust that you’re not going to be a negative “ninny” and bring the mood down or complain all the time. Your life is fuller because people genuinely enjoy being around you.

5. Your internal positive focus attracts to you external positives. Whether this means opportunities in your business or chosen career, in your personal life, or with your family, your life is full with experiences that enrich your time here. You know that your life has meaning to you and others.

It’s important to practice positive self talk and do give yourself a break when you catch yourself talking down to yourself. You’ll know you’re making progress when you’re in the heat of an emotional moment or under pressure and rather than reacting and saying mean things to yourself (like you used to in the past), you remain calm and are kind to yourself. Dr Wayne Dyer has a great quote that says “Orange juice comes out of an orange when it’s squeezed. What comes out of you when you’re squeezed (under pressure) is what’s truly inside.” Kindness leads to a better life for yourself and your children in countless ways.

There’s a great quote that I’ve read that always makes me stop and reflect:

      “To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

The first time I read it I had a light bulb go on.  It takes real courage to do.  As much as being is important, doing can teach us a lot.  And not just doing for the sake of keeping busy.  I`m referring to the doing of that which naturally takes us closer to fulfilling our purpose here.

All the advancements in our civilization have come from others doing things – and facing the scrutiny and criticism of others.  I’ve come to realize that when we criticize or judge the ideas or work of others it’s because we either don’t believe, are afraid, or lack courage ourselves.  And by criticism I don`t mean authentic and well intended feedback that leads to improvement and growth.

Every time we criticize or judge it’s because something in the subject/object of our criticism brought up our own “stuff” – something we dislike in ourselves.  We can defend our own point of view by labeling the subject/object any number of names that we hope justifies our point of view.  Deep down, though, it`s all meant to deflect our attention away from whatever we are uncomfortable with inside ourselves. 

Human beings won`t stop creating, thinking, building, writing, learning…doing.  Every person, situation, and thing we are faced with in our life can teach us something.  We can either choose to judge and criticize it or we can choose to look within ourselves and learn something about ourselves when our “stuff” comes up.  Self reflection and learning take just as much courage as putting our creations and ideas out there for others to experience.

Children have a natural tendency to experience the world with awe and wonder.  They don`t automatically jump to what`s wrong with something that someone else created.  Children are courageous and ask questions and explore the old, the new, the regular and the different.  Children must be taught to judge and criticize – and I don`t know if that`s an important lesson to have to learn…what do you think?

Unlearning the act of criticism is something that also take courage.  And once we`re able to experience the ideas and works of others with the same type of awe that children do, we will feel a sense of freedom.  Of course not every idea or creation will fit into our own model of the world – but perhaps it will teach us something.  As parents we can then help our children to continue to have open minds and hearts and the courage to be and do what they are here for.  By letting go of judgment and criticism we open ourselves up to experiencing the world from a new direction.  By realizing that our ideas and creations will help others hopefully learn something, no matter how big or small, we have the courage to continue doing instead of choosing to be, say, or do nothing.

Honesty is the best policy, right? We were taught this as kids and we teach it to our children. Why is it then, that we sometimes lie to ourselves? Where do these lies come from?

Dr Bruce Lipton, author of Biology of Belief, offers an explanation. He states that our behavior is based on our perception of our environment. And our perception is based on our beliefs. Our beliefs form through all our life experiences and the people who have influence over us, especially when we’re young.

When we’re born we have a fresh mind and as we grow, our mind is imprinted by people and events we experience. As children and later as adults we decide how the world works. We form beliefs about the world and we behave according to what we believe.

The struggle happens when we want to change our behaviors or achievements. If our behaviors are dictated by our beliefs – whether true or not, in order to change our behaviors we would have to change our beliefs.

Imagine living your life with one of these seven statements.

1. I’ll never amount to anything

2. I’m worthless

3. I’m not smart enough

4. No matter how hard I try, it’s never good enough

5. Money is hard to come by and hard to keep

6. I don’t deserve to succeed

7. No one will ever love me

None of them are true and yet something caused you to adopt them as your own. If you believe in #7, you will struggle with relationships. If you believe in #5, chances are you will struggle with having enough money in your life. The examples are endless.

There could be any number of experiences or people who influenced you to adopt one of these statements in your life. The reason, however, is truly irrelevant. If you’re experiencing struggle in an area of your life then likely you’re telling yourself one of those 7 lies. At some point you decided that one of those things was true for you and so it is true for you.

In order to eliminate the struggle and easily succeed in all areas of your life it’s important to identify and eliminate these lies. It doesn’t matter where they come from, it only matters that you stop telling them to yourself.

Imagine, if everyone believed in these 7 statements instead:

1. I can accomplish anything I choose

2. I am a worthy and valuable person

3. I am intelligent and capable

4. I do my best and my best is good enough

5. I easily attract money into my life and use it wisely

6. I deserve happiness and success in my life

7. I love myself and I am loved by others

 Dr. Lipton’s research and writings on beliefs point to the fact that we are in control of our own change in life. Of course there are factors outside us that we have to take into account, however, much of the struggle could be eliminated if we looked inside ourselves first and cleaned up our own mindset. Dr Wayne Dyer states that we see the world as we are. Figure out how you view the world in those areas where you are struggling…then figure out how you can view it differently to achieve what you want.

Watching your language is very important when you’re asking someone to do something, especially your kids. This has been a continuous learning process for me. I can hear Kasia in my head, telling me to be careful how I ask for something. Especially when I’m speaking to my kids – I am getting better at catching myself.

I have caught myself on many occasions using a comment like “Please don’t sit like that at the dinner table” or “Please don’t throw your clothes on the floor.” Well, guess what folks, our unbconscious minds (aka subconscious) DO NOT process negatives. So in reality what I have been saying to my kids is “Please sit like that at the dinner table” and “Please throw your clothes on the floor.”

It is no wonder on those days I am saying to myself “Why won’t they listen to me?” They are actually listening to what I say, only I forgot to use the correct language.

I am now more conscious of my language before the question comes out of my mouth.  I phrase my questions and requests in the positive.  I say it how I want it rather than how I do not. 

We talk in detail about how language affects our lives on our free CD so if you do not have it and you would like to know more, go ahead and sign up.  Kasia also writes about this in her book “Keys For Moms” which will be available on Amazon.com beginning on February 1, 2011.

YOU hold the keys to living an empowered life in YOUR hands. When you take 100% responsibility for your choices, your actions and your inactions, your life will change immediately.  You’ll recognize the excuses and reasons you have for staying in your comfort zone and suffering through your current story, and your story will change!  You are the creator of your reality.  Dr Wayne Dyer says that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. It’s true. You will see immediate results when you use this book because your mindset will shift.

Are you squeazing 36 hours worth of stuff into a 24 hour day?  You’re so busy doing things for your family that I’m willing to bet that YOU come last! At the same time you’re probably saying to yourself, “It’s my responsibility to do these things! I’m the mom!”

Do you get so run down trying to fulfill the roles that you don’t take time for yourself, and then complain about to your girlfriends or husband? 

Deep down, you know if you let go of the guilt about taking care of yourself and you stopped feeling afraid of changing things that aren’t working in your life, you would feel happier, more fulfilled, and less resentful of all those responsibilities you have taken on.

Do you feel you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way and you’re taking care of everything and everyone else except you?  You tell yourself “someday” you will be able to find the time to enjoy your hobbies and work on your personal growth. For now, you’re going through the motions day after day — and the years slip by. 

Just because this is your life now doesn’t mean it has to be that way forever. In fact, you have the power to change it today.  Right now. You just have to choose to change and give yourself permission. This is very important. You can only change what you are 100% committed to changing. 

Changing your life doesn’t have to be complicated or take a long time. What it does take is commitment from you to put yourself and your needs first, to work on yourself, to be honest and willing to make whatever changes you need to make to achieve the life you want.

You must be willing to let go of excuses.  My own mentor, Fabienne Fredrickson, always tells me: when you’re interested, you do what’s convenient; when you’re committed, you do whatever it takes.  This John Assaraf quote is now a favourite of mine.

There are three requisites to creating change.  First you must focus on what you want.  Then you must clear out the negativity, limitations, and other mental and emotional gunk and sludge that is keeping you stuck.  Third, you must maintain your focus and take action.   You have the keys within yourself to unlock the door to endless possibilities.  

This book is divided into three sections.  Begin by working through the first section on getting clear on what you want.  Choose a key that you feel comfortable with and work on it for a one-week period.  Once you master the key, choose another one. While some of these suggest actions, others are simply concepts that involve making a conscious choice.  Practicing the actions will help you make them automatic. This process will take some time, and it is meant to . . . the purpose is not to overwhelm you.  I recommend first choosing the keys that speak to you the most or the ones that you know you can commit to easily.

Commit to yourself 100% and don’t waiver — no matter what anyone says.  These keys will light your path to your transformation into an empowered and fulfilled woman, a woman who has reclaimed herself and is now better able to not only fulfill her role as mom, wife, and professional, but also as a woman and a citizen of this world. You’ll become a woman who knows that the world is a better place because she is living and walking this earth.

Now available on Amazon here.

Now available for purchase in Electronic Form here.

Do you sometimes have days when you feel like you got nothing done? It seems like you time spend zipping from one errand to the next, take the kids from here to there, do this, do that…and at the end of it all your to do list remains undone. Been there done that! It’s the fastest way to frustration!

What if you were to stop and actually take inventory of what you did accomplish during such a day? That list would be long, I’m sure. Just because you didn’t do everything on your proverbial to do list, doesn’t mean you got nothing done.

Writing down all the big and small tasks that you do accomplish each day goes a long way to make you feel really good about yourself. It’s like having a backwards to do list. Instead of writing the list and crossing off things as you do them, you just write the things you’ve done! To me the best part of a list is the crossing off part – I’ve even writted in tasks I’ve accomplished that weren’t on there just so I can cross them off!

Feeling good about yourself and being grateful for what you do accomplish is important to keep your energy and motivation high. This is why taking an inventory of what you’ve accomplished this past year is a great idea to set the momentum for the new year.

It’s easy to slip into that same mentality of “I got nothing done last year that I wanted to do!” Chances are that’s not true at all. Take a moment and write out a list of all your accomplishments since the beginning of the year and revel in it!

And if there were some things that you wanted to do but didn’t – well, you can choose to focus on doing them now. Ask yourself:

What changes will you make that will help you accomplish those goals next year?

What resources do you already have in place to accomplish them?

What resources do you need?

Then just take action. And remember to pat yourself on the back for everything you do get done. Focusing your energy on what you don’t do or have or on what’s wrong in your life brings you more of the same.

What are you willing to do differently next year to make sure you’re in the place you want to be in December 2011?

I believe that UNPLUGGING yourself from technology and media influence is a very inportant part to any persons life. I do not mean to unplug permanently, but we all need to take a break from our Blackberry, IPhone/Ipod, Android and all the fantastic social media options available to us now. I believe in technology 100%. I have a Blackberry myself and love what I can do with it. It has been a means for Kasia and I to stay connected when she is 3,000 miles away from home and the kids want to tell her something that just happened or just to say I Love You at random. It has also been an incredible option for me to be able to stay connected via email as I am not home very often. But all of that can take over a persons life very quickly. It has been stated in the media the the last thing that most people do is check their social media and it is also the first thing that they do when they get up in the morning. We need to turn this stimuli off once in a while and get ourselves away from the connections so that we can reconnect with the Universe. What I mean by reconnecting with the Universe is that, we all need to get into nature once in awhile, and this is what i mean by plugging ourselves in. Dr. Deepak Chopra states that when we return to nature it is the fastest way for us to recharge our batteries. You cannot however recharge your batteries when you are distracted by oustside stimuli like you iphone or blackberry. Take the time to enjoy your surroundings and REALLY take it all in. Take really deep breaths enjoying what nature smells like. Stop at a lookout or two and enjoy the view. Go with someone you love and take the time to re-connect with them as well. We do this regularily in our family even if we just go to the local nature park not far from our house. I find that I have a much higher more centred level of energy after our walk or hike and its a great way to educate your kids on how to respect nature. I suggest leaving your technology at home or in the car when you go, but if you must carry it with you, TURN IT OFF COMPLETELY, not just on silent mode. I will now use one of my favorite lines from the Comor sports store. “Go Play Outside.”