The rides at Disneyland are so fun! And what I noticed about them is that getting to the ride is as much fun and exciting – if not more – than the ride itself. The Indiana Jones ride, for example, is so realistic! You get to walk through underground dungeons and pathways, creepy tombs, and jungle-like forests. Then you get in a jeep and it rattles you around for 45 seconds while you escape bandits and snakes. I actually came out of that ride feeling a little sick to my stomach from all the rattling around.

But I was really profoundly moved by the whole experience – and unexpectedly so. Here I was having crazy fun with the family and taking in all the surroundings and my unconscious mind was taking it all in at a whole other level. I realized that I really enjoyed having fun and that it wasn’t hard at all! I don’t know why I forgot to have fun in the first place.

Enjoying the “getting there” and not just the ride was only one of my realizations. After spending 6 hours drawing in the sand and playing in the waves at Laguna Beach I realized that fun can be so simple. It doesn’t require fancy anything really.

I really connected with the kids and with myself on our trip – and I had so been longing for more connection.

Now we are having conversations about how we keep that relaxation and fun at home. Sure I would love to move to the beach and spend the next two years sitting there and listening to the waves beat the shore. But I don’t believe that I should have to uproot everything just to relax and have fun. So we’re making a family plan for fun. I’m really excited!

I read this quote from John Lennon this past week:

“When I was 5 years old my mother always told me happiness was the key to life. When I went to school they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment. I told them they didn’t understand life.”

The first thought I had was…wow, I wish I had thought that way when I was a child! Because I remember those questions being asked of me and my answers back then were flight attendant and aeronautical engineer. I don’t remember ever thinking or being told that happiness was anything to strive for.

This doesn’t mean that I wasn’t a happy child. Simply that I grew up like many other children – expecting to go to school and get a job and make a living. Happiness wasn’t an expectation – more of a hope or a luxury.

Just imagine yourself as a young child being told that happiness is the key to life. How would your life be different now if you focused on living your life to fulfill your happiness over anything else? What would your responsibilities be? What choices would you have made differently? Perhaps you would have done everything the same – in that case, you really know what it means to be happy.

Not everyone knows happiness because they run through their lives expecting things outside themselves to bring them happiness. And their children learn to do the same. I know this because I know many people who do this. I used to look for happiness outside myself too – I still catch myself doing this sometimes.

So this quote inspired me to focus even more on being the type of person who is happy in life. And doing all the things that bring me happiness. And especially underlining the importance of happiness to my children. As much as I am a firm believer in being a contributing member of society and taking responsibility seriously – I am also believing more and more that you can do all these things and have incredible happiness in your life too.

How does John Lennon’s quote inspire you to live your life? You can share your comments on our Facebook page.

Imagine you’re sitting with your spouse on the sofa, watching a movie. It’s 9:30 pm. Suddenly you hear little little footsteps coming down the hallway accompanied by sobs. Your heart pounds as you hear “Mommy, I can’t sleep! I’m so worried!”

Bryan and I experienced this the night before school started. Our son came upstairs with a list he’d written of all the things he was worried about.

Our son loves to chat about Star Wars and Lego 98% of the time – we didn’t think he worried about anything. So we turned off the movie and gave him our full attention as he read out his list.

As a mom, my heart broke at some of the things he had written down and at the same time I was SO excited that he was talking to us about them!

Some of the items on his list were being called names by his friends, letter grades (he started grade 4 this year), and how to earn more money for all the Lego he wants to buy.

We had a wonderful conversation about choices, behaviours, opportunities, and other stuff. Stuff that I thought had gone in one ear and out the other in the past. Turns out kids do listen!

I remember my mom telling me when our son was born to always treat all kids’ problems and challenges with respect – no matter how small they may seem to me. I practiced this even with the tiny problems my kids would bring up. Looking back I wasn’t always super patient – but I did my best.

So I was so proud of our son for talking so openly about his worries. And I was so grateful that, even though I sometimes felt like a broken record, our open and clear communication at home had created a safe space for our son to share.

Practicing communication really works – no matter how old your kids are. So keep talking and listening. These are skills your kids will use forever.

photo by elycefeliz

I was watching a video this morning by John Assaraf in which he talks about his recent goal to drop 25 lbs.  In this video he uses the term “excusitis” – in other words, making excuses for not achieving a goal we want.  John said that besides getting rid of all excuses he also set a clear goal and visualized achieving that goal.

John’s comments led me to ask myself if I too have excusitis because there are some goals I haven’t achieved.  As someone who works with women to assist them to release what’s holding them back from the happy life and happy family they want, I can smell an excuse a mile away!  And I don’t allow clients to get away with excuses and I encourage them to take actions every day towards what they want. 

I realized that what’s been standing in my own way of some of my goals is that I haven’t visualized them clearly enough.  Not only that, I haven’t written them all down. 

Some goals, the ones that are well within my own control to achieve, I can easily visualize and take action on.  Like the renovation of our new Fresh Perspective Family office.  I set the goal, saw it completed, and it’s done!

The bigger goals though, those are the ones I can’t visualize or write down.  I still take action on them, but it’s not always focused action and so it’s not really possible for me to measure how close I’m getting or not getting to the goal.

So what is it about the big goals and my inability to write them down or visualize them?  Because I’ve tried and I just sabotage myself every time in different ways.  I’ve nailed it down to fear of lack of control for sure.  I’ve also started to catch the language I use when I talk or think about those big goals.  My language really tells me I don’t fully believe I can achieve them…so why bother writing them down or visualizing them.  It’s easier just to take actions that lead me “somewhere in the vicinity of the goal” because then I can at least feel good that I’m doing something. 

If I were my own coach I would have had a big talking to with myself.  And that’s exactly what I’ve done.  I’m watching what my language and my emotions tell me about my beliefs around control, success, big acheivements, and even failure.  I’m excited to observe this process as much as I am excited to take myself through it.  It’s easy for me to take clients through NLP, Hypnosis, and Time Empowerment® and I plan on being a good client. 

I deserve to reach the big, mountainous goals too!  And I’m willing to face that Inner Control Freak once again and break through the barriers to being a more confident me, a more loving mom, a more successful business person, and all the other ways in which I will come closer to who I am in my heart.

I will keep you posted on my progress and successes.

Photos by: melodysheep

“A year from now you may wish you had started today.” ~Karen Lamb

I just love this quote and wanted to share it with you all.  So often we get caught up in worrying about how long something will take us before we finish it – that we don’t even start. 

I was speaking to a woman once who was almost 40 and worked in an industry she didn’t love anymore.  She had always wanted to go into nursing, but every time she had wanted to sign up for nursing courses she would follow that exact train of thought: “It will be 4 years before I’m done nursing school, by then I will be 30 years old and….(insert reason for not doing it here)”

She told me she had talked herself out of nursing school 3 times now and in hindsight, regretted it.  Because when she would soon reach the age of 40 and she realized that those 4 years of school would have been nothing compared to still working in an industry she didn’t love.  And now at 40 it would be so much harder to go back to school…wouldn’t it?  And the inner critic drones on and on.

It’s funny how we don’t question that our children have to go to school for so many years.  We encourage them and we cheer them on to try different things and learn new things but as soon as we’re a certain age we decide that we’re too old to learn.  There is no rule anywhere that says “By age ___ you’re too OLD to try new things.”

This quote by Karen Lamb reminds me that I’m never too old to start anything and that regret is a high price to pay for procrastination and reasons for not starting something. 

So what if we change careers fifteen times in our life? 

So what if we change cars every year or rearrange the furniture every month? 

So what if we move around the world every few years to start over?

As long as our soul is living it’s purpose and we’re adding value to our own life and the life of others – especially our children – then we will never regret what we do.

What’s the most common answer to any question? I’ll give you a hint – it’s 3 words.

(ok, I’ll give you the answer: it’s “I don’t know.”)

Have you ever said these 3 words to yourself in frustration?

Have your partner or kids ever said these words to you?

Is this the answer you automatically think of when a challenging question comes up?

What’s the result of this in your life?

Have you ever found yourself seeking answers in your life and the answers just didn’t come to you? Those three words – I Don’t Know – create a self fulfilling prophecy for us if we use them repeatedly.

How?

Researchers have found that our Unconscious Mind is the age of a 5-7 year old child. For those of you who know 5-7 year olds – they are very literal and need clear instructions to follow. They don’t understand sarcasm or oxymorons.

This is exactly how your Unconscious Mind is too. So when you repeatedly tell yourself “I don’t know” you’re telling your Unconscious Mind not to know – to not even bother trying to know. So it stops helping you figure out answers. It stops supporting you in the decisions you make – you get stuck in “I don’t knowness.”

Jack Canfield, one of the Chicken Soup For The Soul authors says you always have to know what you want - even the simplest stuff like what color of soap to buy. Why? It’s not to be nitpicky and petty. It’s to practice with small choices so that when it comes to making big choices you can do it more easily and with conviction. When you always know what you want you avoid the “I don’t know” curse more easily.

My clients tend to use “I don’t know” as their default answer when we first begin working together – I do ask some pretty tough questions. I ask these questions because my job is to assist clients in figuring out what’s holding them back. If all I get is “I don’t know” then I ask “If you did know, what would the answer be?”

If they still repeatedly say “I don’t know” I give them The Talk. Saying I don’t know is a cop out! It is! The reason you’re in the circumstances you’re in – whether it’s your health, family issues, relationship or love life issues, or whatever you don’t like right now – is because you’ve told yourself You Don’t Know! You haven’t put any energy into knowing or wanting to know because it’s easier just to Not Know. I get that. But don’t you get so frustrated when you ask your kids something and they say “I don’t know?” Or when your partner says “I don’t know” when you ask them what they want to do/eat/or do whatever?

Why is it important to stop using I Don’t Know as a default in your life?

Saying “I Don’t Know” is an easy answer but if you want a better life for yourself and your kids then who do you think has to know what that life looks/feels/sounds like if not you?

Do you expect there to be a “I Know All” genie who will appear and tell you what to do? What to feel?

I wish!

And if your kids hear you use these three words all the time – they will use them too. They will learn to not know what they want too.

So how do you break this curse?

You will not always know the answer – this isn’t about being omniscient. It’s ok to not know some things – it matters how you approach not knowing.

1. You forgive yourself for not knowing up until now.
2. Change your language and your thoughts to “I haven’t known up until now, and if I were to figure this out, I would…..” insert new way of being that you want to be.

You will be amazed over time how your mind and the universe just step up to the plate to support you and guide you.

Sometimes I find with kids it’s “cool” to just be aloof and pretent they don’t know. Don’t let them get away with it. It’s self respect to know what you want. Always. Because if you don’t know what you want you will fall for anything that anyone else wants. We don’t want that for our kids.

So gently guide yourself and your kids to make choices – always. Ask – I know you don’t know but if you did, what would your answer be? This may be annoying at first – especially to your kids, – but they will be grateful that they always had the choice to make up their mind on stuff. And it will serve them well in life to have this skill.

Have you ever gone to the store with your child only to have said child throw a spectacular meltdown in the aisle? Or have you experienced that scenario one too many times and now refuse to go anywhere near a store with your child?

A mom recently told me about how this used to happen to her and what she changed to make it stop!

This scenario usually happens because your child wants something and your answer is “not this time” or “not right now” or some variation. The child gets frustrated because she can’t have what she wants and expresses her emotions by crying or yelling so that hopefully you will give in.

So how do you avoid a situation like this without getting frustrated at your kids? The first thing you need to do is understand a bit about your child’s brain. The second thing you need to do is some preparation.

1.  Children don’t have their rational and logical brain function developed. This part of the human brain doesn’t begin to develop until the age of about 15. A child also doesn’t fully understand the concept of time and so your answers “not this time” or “not right now” are very vague. These answers mean nothing to kids other than it’s not the “yes” they wanted to hear from you.  So they continue to ask you every time you go to the store because they don’t know if this time your answer will be “yes, this time” or “yes, right now.” You get frustrated by their constant asking and they get frustrated by your vague responses.
2.  The preparation you need to do is simply having an answer for your child that makes sense to them and is age appropriate and that you’re comfortable with. Remember, you’re playing the part of logic and reasoning for your kids, so make sure that whatever you say to them is specific and makes sense at their age. This will depend on what they are asking for and what store you are in.

For example:

•  If it’s a toy and they already have three of the same kind, say “You already have three of those and you can play with them when we get home. We will not buy any more of the same toy.
• You could also tell your kids when and where you are prepared to buy a certain item: “We will buy those when we do our back to school shopping in July.”
• Or you can tell your child that they can put a certain item on their birthday, Christmas, or other list of gifts that they want.
• You can also suggest to them that they can save up their allowance or money they earn from chores to buy the item themselves.

Responses such as these will not only teach your children about how money works, how to budget money, and how they can be responsible for the things they want, but also patience. These are life skills that are invaluable for all ages, adults included. And once your children learn that your responses are logical and that they can be in control of the situation to a certain degree, they will behave themselves. This will give you, the parent, the ability to behave too.

 Imagine… no more frustrating bickering matches in the aisles…getting complimented by complete strangers about how well behaved your children are….and knowing that you’re teaching your kids important reasoning skills that they will be able to use throughout life.

I know I’m getting better and better all the time.  And I know I’m for SURE better than I used to be.  My spiritual practices are paying off and allowing me to pay it forward.

With the kids being home from school during the summer we have a way different schedule.  My husband has been working super ealy morning shifts so that we can have our evenings together as a family.  (Before he would get home after the kids were in bed. )  So his getting up at 3 am to be at work for 5 is making things interesting for sure.  The kids stay up late and still get up early and so emotions can run high sometimes.

Here’s the cool part – I’m calm!!  Yes, I get frazzled but it’s not as blow-my-lid frazzled as I used to get.  I’m 99 % more calm than frazzled.

Before, I would just let others’ energy affect me pretty much instantly.  I would take a bite out of their problem and feel whatever they were feeling – even though it wasn’t my stuff.  Now I can leave others’ stuff alone and feel what I want to feel instead of being sucked in.

This afternoon my daughter had a spectacular melt down over an activity book that she’s been working on.  I was pleasantly observing my interaciton with her and noticing how different my response was compared to when I used to just go straight into emotional reaction.

I’ve become very aware of my own emotional state in every moment. It’s very liberating and exciting for me.  I’m especially excited that I can now model how to respond instead of reacting for the kids.  Emotions are great – don’t get me wrong.  But in many situations a calm response is so much more effective than a freak out.

My brother and his wife welcomed their first child yesterday.  He arrived at a healthy 8 lbs 2 oz and with a full head of hair.  He’s quite possibly the handsomest little baby next to my own son (of course!).

We went to visit him (and the parents) at the hospital and as we all marvelled at how perfect he is, I started to think about what great things he will accomplish and who he will become in his life.  Babies have this ability to make us think of all the possibilities that exist for them.  He’s like a blank slate just waiting to have greatness and potential written on it.

As we grow older we tend to forget that we don’t actually lose that greatness and potential – ever!  We always have the ability to make our life into whatever we want.  But somewhere along the journey of our life we decide that we can’t do things or we can’t have things.  We become this product of our conditioning and life experience. 

A good friend and owner of Awakening Works once shared some guiding principles with me and they have become the cornerstones of my life and my business.

1. We are beings of Unlimited Possibilities with potential just waiting to be discovered – believe in yours.
2. Self Awareness and Self Understanding are what propels us to create positive change in our life
3. When we are committed to Excellence and make Conscious Choices every day we become masters of ourselves
4. Accountability and Self-Discipline create Momentum
5. Success and Happiness are always Psychological – when you change how you viewthe world, how you respond, and how you think you change your reality.

I encourage my kids and my clients to practice each of these until they become second nature.  My life has become richer and successful in all ways because of these ideas.

Kasia Rachfall helps you stop letting your past to determine your future and your now. Did the above resonate with you? Do you disagree? Do you have a new insight to add? Please share your thoughts.

My kids are both in karate and one of the things they practice is board breaking.  There are several different colors of boards – from white to black – each indicating a higher level of difficulty.  White being the easiest to break and black the hardest.  The kids have to kick the board to break it in half.   Each board is made of plastic and hinged in a way to simulate a wooden board 12″ square board.

Kasia breaking a board at NLP training.

The kids all line up and one by one they attempt to break the boards.  They key is in how they set up their approach and where they focus their energy – strength has actually very little to do with what color of board you can break.

Our kids used to just run up and give the board a random kick, usually without successfully breaking it.  They’ve now learned to take their time and set up their stance, focus, and energy before they kick to make sure their foot lands where it is supposed to.  They also have to envision their foot going through the board – not just stop on the board.  More often than not, they succeed in breaking consistently more difficult boards. 

I’ve broken a wooden board at trainings before and the same principles hold true – focus, energy, follow through.

There is a lot we can learn from this simple board breaking exercise – as kids and as parents.  Breaking a board can be like accomplishing any number of things in our life.  Sometimes we can get caught up in just wanting to get stuff done and we hurry through it without much thought.  The task or goal may get accomplished or it may turn out completely differently than we want.

When we take the time to figure out exactly what we want our outcome to be and focus our energy, the resources and guidance tend to show up and we succeed.  Our subconscious mind gets on board and helps us notice all the ways in which we are achieving our goal.  This is called activating the Reticular Activating System.  If we rush through things without knowing what we want then we will miss the mark or end up with results we didn’t want.

Slowing down and focusing to gain clarity about what we want allows us to achieve faster.  This is a life skill that we can apply everywhere.