We all have gifts that we can share with the world- we tell our kids they’re talented, and intelligent.  Parents tend to share their kids abilities and discount their own sometimes.

We also have a lot of baggage and tend not to discount this. In fact, I’m sure many of you know people who freely share their baggage with everyone they meet.

 Think about all the conversations you have with others, what do most of them consist of? “I could have done this, but here are all the reasons why I couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, shouldn’t, etc.” 

 How many of you know someone like that or have even said those words yourself? Have you ever been around someone who just complains? Does their energy bring you down? Do you find yourself dreading a meeting with them because you just don’t want to hear it anymore?  There are people who are so negative that their energy just threatens to overwhelm us. 

 We all deal with stuff as we go through our lives. Our society here in the West doesn’t really teach us how to let go of this stuff.  As a kid and even as an adult, were you ever told to get over it and move on?  Do you ever hear yourself saying that to your children? 

 You may be thinking it’s easier said than done to “just get over it,” so why do we even say it?  The truth is, it is easy if you know how.

 There is nothing wrong with having stuff. After all, we’re all emotional beings and we experience loss, pain, frustration, and stress in different ways.  What’s important is how you deal with these emotional states once you experience them.  And how do you teach your kids to express their emotions safely and responsibly?

 You can make one of several choices. One, let the emotions go and learn from the situation. Two, bottle it up. Or Three, hold a grudge and share it with others. 

 Only one of these choices will free you from letting the past have a hold on you and allow you to live life in a positive state.  Be aware, though, that the choices you make are what your kids learn from you. 

 Bottling it up inside can have serious physiological side effects such as stress, dis-ease, or physical pain.  Sharing it with others is really just complaining and making excuses. If your listener is willing and wants to you then it’s definitely ok to talk about your stuff. But if you’re talking about it just to put it on the table and not actually do anything about it, then you’re just using the listener as a dumping ground. 

 So how do you choose to let your stuff go?  There are wonderful tools out there that help to do this and you can choose the one you feel is right for you.  Here are some ideas:

• Everything happens for a reason. When you find yourself in an emotionally charged stated think about what you can learn from the situation. Instead of focusing on the emotion focus on the learning.  Once you have the learning the emotion diffuses.
• Before you decide to share your stuff with someone think about why you’re sharing it. Is it because you want advise on how to solve a problem or just to complain? If you just want to complain, think about how your complaint and negativity will affect them. Will it make their day better?  What are some of your positive gifts that you could share instead?
• Write it down.  Putting negative emotions and thoughts on paper purges them from your mind. You can then do whatever you want with them like recycle them or bury them.
• Ask yourself how holding on to the baggage is serving you. Is it bringing positive things into your life? Is it moving you forward in the direction you want your life to go? If not, how would you rather think and feel about what happened in the past instead that would allow you to bring more positive change in your life?

 It’s good to share with others. We learn to share from our earliest years of life and we teach that to our children.  The key is to know what types of stuff we want to share and that is a life skill that your children would be lucky to learn.  What are some of the things you have taught your kids to share (other than toys)?

So the kids are on spring break for two weeks and oooops, I forgot that it was coming and scheduled a bunch of meetings and work stuff.  In the past I would have freaked out about how much work I wasn’t going to get done.

This time I made a much smarter decision.  I decided that I was going to enjoy this time with my kids and reschedule what I could, and deliver on what couldn’t be rescheduled.  Much simpler.  Much more relaxing.  And I am much happier.

Now I can go out and jump on the trampoline with the kids or take them hiking without having my work on my mind, encroaching on their time.   I can play Wii golf or bowling with them and make them waffles for breakfast without feeling rushed.

I know that parents can get so caught up in doing things on their to do list that they miss out on the fun stuff.  What’s worse, is they feel guilty about not spending mindful time with the kids because their mind is spinning with so much other stuff.  Now, negative emotions have a specific purpose – but that purpose is not to make you feel bad about your parenting. 

As parents we have lots of responsibilities – work, kids, self care, eating, sleeping.  We have to get clear on what our most important responsibilities are, and then to create a flow that works for us.  To prioritize what we want to accomplish with our time – not just daily, but in our whole life.  So then when something unexpected happens (like spring break that was on the calendar all year, I just forgot to look ahead) we can reorganize our time to reflect our priorities. 

Of course my work is important, and so is my self care, but nothing is more important to me than my family.  These two weeks of time spent with my kids will create lifetime memories and more a meaningful relationship for us.  That fuels my soul even more than my work does.  My purpose here is to empower children and I choose to begin with my own.

I used to think that spiritual people were monks sitting on top of a mountain, back straight, legs crossed, index finger and thumb touching, chanting “OM….” for days.

I’ll admit the monk thing was not my idea of fun. I don’t care how good meditation is for you – sitting on top of a mountain is not what I wanted to spend my life doing.

I had basically decided that spirituality was an uncomfortable and boring activity for those who had the time to sit around meditating all day. As a busy mom and business owner, I definitely didn’t have that kind of time!

Then I got a fresh perspective on what spirituality really is. And it’s not just for monks! In fact, I realized my family life and my work are pretty spiritual – I’d just had the wrong definition in my head all this time!

I heard eight mentors speak at the I Can Do It conference. Several of them – Dr Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson – I would consider to be super spiritual. If you read their books or even just their quotes – they ooze spirit!

As I sat there listening to them speak I noticed that they were funny…they joked! They… (gasp) swore on the stage! At times they fumbled and even bumbled through their speeches and yet their message was so clear! These lessons became apparent to me.

Lesson 1: Spirituality is not perfection. All eight of those speakers have been doing their work for years and they still mess up. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes as long as you continue to bring your best self to the table for everything you do. As parents we encourage our children to always do their best rather than be perfect. It’s time we expected the best rather than perfection from ourselves too – so our kids don’t learn that perfection is better.

Lesson 2: Spirituality is not something you only do sometimes. In fact once you discover that you have always been plugged into your source of inner wisdom – you live according to that wisdom. Finding the plug is simple when you quiet your thoughts every day for a few minutes. No, you don’t have to meditate for hours. It’s just like taking a time out to be with yourself. We give our kids time outs for misbehaving. A better idea would be to encourage quiet time for everyone in the family every day to just be. No misbehaving required!

Lesson 3: Spirituality is not boring. No, you don’t have to sit meditating on top of a mountain all day long. In fact, there is not even one “right” way to meditate. You can have fun and laugh and be silly with your friends and family. The important thing is to love yourself as much as you love others – and teach this to your children.

My own skewed definition of spirituality prevented me from openly coming out about the fact that I apply spiritual principles in my life and work. It seems silly now, but I thought I was “doing spirituality wrong” because I didn’t meditate all day like a monk. Once I realized there is no right or wrong way to be spiritual - I was ready to share it.

 So there it is! I bring in spiritual principles into parenting and I use them in my work. What are these principles?

• Bringing your best self to everything you do.
• Being plugged into your inner wisdom.
• Asking and receiving.
• Love, tolerance, compassion, patience, conviction.
• Taking 100% responsibility for your actions, inactions and decisions.

And I’m sure there are many more. Spirituality is not a “one size fits all” box. There are many ways to create a healthy family and work life balance and live an inspired life. Once you’re clear on what spirituality means to you then embrace it. Live it and be it. it will bring you closer to your Self’s true expression.

Ever have one of “those days?”  It`s human to have off days – I get that.  But for me it used to be such a downer and I still get caught in the trap of “I have to have it all figured out, so don`t tell anyone!”  Silly, I know.  So what to do about that feeling?

I used to just shut myself down and wallow.  That didn`t work well, let me tell you.  It made my days worse because I was either cranky or unemotional like a zombie.  Not a good way to build a healthy family home life. 

I have a way better way to get through days like that.  I know they will come up – and I`m ok with it! Because now I give myself permission to feel off.   My mindset is on track 95% of the time and the other 5% I give myself the benefit of the doubt.  This has done wonders for creating a meaningful relationship with my own self.

I also rely on my trusty list.  I`ve written down all the thinfs that I could think of that I would need to do to reach my goals this year.  And so when I`m in a funk and bordering on floundering around – I just pick something on my list and do it!  It`s amazing how much my day goes up from there because as I get absorbed into the task, I focus my energy on the progress towards my vision. 

My other option is to just let myself be for the day and be ok with that too.  I don`t always have to accomplish anything.  Actually I`ve really learned the value of simply being. 

I`d love to know what all you moms and dads do when you have one of “those days?”  Please leave your comments.

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There’s a great quote that I’ve read that always makes me stop and reflect:

      “To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

The first time I read it I had a light bulb go on.  It takes real courage to do.  As much as being is important, doing can teach us a lot.  And not just doing for the sake of keeping busy.  I`m referring to the doing of that which naturally takes us closer to fulfilling our purpose here.

All the advancements in our civilization have come from others doing things – and facing the scrutiny and criticism of others.  I’ve come to realize that when we criticize or judge the ideas or work of others it’s because we either don’t believe, are afraid, or lack courage ourselves.  And by criticism I don`t mean authentic and well intended feedback that leads to improvement and growth.

Every time we criticize or judge it’s because something in the subject/object of our criticism brought up our own “stuff” – something we dislike in ourselves.  We can defend our own point of view by labeling the subject/object any number of names that we hope justifies our point of view.  Deep down, though, it`s all meant to deflect our attention away from whatever we are uncomfortable with inside ourselves. 

Human beings won`t stop creating, thinking, building, writing, learning…doing.  Every person, situation, and thing we are faced with in our life can teach us something.  We can either choose to judge and criticize it or we can choose to look within ourselves and learn something about ourselves when our “stuff” comes up.  Self reflection and learning take just as much courage as putting our creations and ideas out there for others to experience.

Children have a natural tendency to experience the world with awe and wonder.  They don`t automatically jump to what`s wrong with something that someone else created.  Children are courageous and ask questions and explore the old, the new, the regular and the different.  Children must be taught to judge and criticize – and I don`t know if that`s an important lesson to have to learn…what do you think?

Unlearning the act of criticism is something that also take courage.  And once we`re able to experience the ideas and works of others with the same type of awe that children do, we will feel a sense of freedom.  Of course not every idea or creation will fit into our own model of the world – but perhaps it will teach us something.  As parents we can then help our children to continue to have open minds and hearts and the courage to be and do what they are here for.  By letting go of judgment and criticism we open ourselves up to experiencing the world from a new direction.  By realizing that our ideas and creations will help others hopefully learn something, no matter how big or small, we have the courage to continue doing instead of choosing to be, say, or do nothing.

YOU hold the keys to living an empowered life in YOUR hands. When you take 100% responsibility for your choices, your actions and your inactions, your life will change immediately.  You’ll recognize the excuses and reasons you have for staying in your comfort zone and suffering through your current story, and your story will change!  You are the creator of your reality.  Dr Wayne Dyer says that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. It’s true. You will see immediate results when you use this book because your mindset will shift.

Are you squeazing 36 hours worth of stuff into a 24 hour day?  You’re so busy doing things for your family that I’m willing to bet that YOU come last! At the same time you’re probably saying to yourself, “It’s my responsibility to do these things! I’m the mom!”

Do you get so run down trying to fulfill the roles that you don’t take time for yourself, and then complain about to your girlfriends or husband? 

Deep down, you know if you let go of the guilt about taking care of yourself and you stopped feeling afraid of changing things that aren’t working in your life, you would feel happier, more fulfilled, and less resentful of all those responsibilities you have taken on.

Do you feel you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way and you’re taking care of everything and everyone else except you?  You tell yourself “someday” you will be able to find the time to enjoy your hobbies and work on your personal growth. For now, you’re going through the motions day after day — and the years slip by. 

Just because this is your life now doesn’t mean it has to be that way forever. In fact, you have the power to change it today.  Right now. You just have to choose to change and give yourself permission. This is very important. You can only change what you are 100% committed to changing. 

Changing your life doesn’t have to be complicated or take a long time. What it does take is commitment from you to put yourself and your needs first, to work on yourself, to be honest and willing to make whatever changes you need to make to achieve the life you want.

You must be willing to let go of excuses.  My own mentor, Fabienne Fredrickson, always tells me: when you’re interested, you do what’s convenient; when you’re committed, you do whatever it takes.  This John Assaraf quote is now a favourite of mine.

There are three requisites to creating change.  First you must focus on what you want.  Then you must clear out the negativity, limitations, and other mental and emotional gunk and sludge that is keeping you stuck.  Third, you must maintain your focus and take action.   You have the keys within yourself to unlock the door to endless possibilities.  

This book is divided into three sections.  Begin by working through the first section on getting clear on what you want.  Choose a key that you feel comfortable with and work on it for a one-week period.  Once you master the key, choose another one. While some of these suggest actions, others are simply concepts that involve making a conscious choice.  Practicing the actions will help you make them automatic. This process will take some time, and it is meant to . . . the purpose is not to overwhelm you.  I recommend first choosing the keys that speak to you the most or the ones that you know you can commit to easily.

Commit to yourself 100% and don’t waiver — no matter what anyone says.  These keys will light your path to your transformation into an empowered and fulfilled woman, a woman who has reclaimed herself and is now better able to not only fulfill her role as mom, wife, and professional, but also as a woman and a citizen of this world. You’ll become a woman who knows that the world is a better place because she is living and walking this earth.

Now available on Amazon here.

Now available for purchase in Electronic Form here.

Why is it so hard to change our minds sometimes?  In fact, have you ever tried to change your mind only to discover that your mind seems to have a mind of it’s own? 

What causes some of us to resist change and others to thrive on it?  Researchers and scientists such as Dr Bruce Lipton have stated that it comes down to what we believe is true for us.  If you want change to be easy you must change your beliefs.  Sounds simple, doesn’t it? 

There are so many cliches about change such as “nothing is certain except taxes, death and change,” that it’s no wonder there are also many myths surrounding this topic.  What were you told about change as you were growing up?  What are you telling your own kids about it?  I would like to debunk three myths about change to show that it’s simple and there is nothing to fear. 

Myth 1       If you’ve had a limiting belief for a long time it will take a long time to change it

Fact:  Our minds are like the software in a computer.  It may take us a long time to write a particular program for a belief or we may gain a belief very quickly.  Now, can you think of a belief that you used to have that’s no longer true for you?  A single event or a period of time may lead us to change our beliefs. The truth is, that it’s not the change itself that takes the time, it’s us being ready to do the changing.  

Changing beliefs is like changing a document in a computer. It doesn’t take any longer to change a document that has been in your computer 20 years than it does one that has been there for 20 minutes.  The hardest part for many people is being ready to change.  When you’re ready the change is instant.

Myth 2       Changing old behaviours and thought patterns is difficult and often painful.

Fact: Dr Bruce Lipton states that what and how we think and how we behave are caused by our beliefs.  When you change the belief you change the resulting behaviour or thought pattern.  You don’t actually need to suffer to change.  It’s easy to rewrite your own software when you work with the unconscious mind which is the storehouse of all your thoughts and behaviors.  This no pain no gain myth has no basis in science.  Scientifically, beliefs are represented by specific configurations of photons of light held in the electromagnetic field of your mind. Change the field and you change the belief and this doesn’t physically hurt.  Any perceived pain is often emotional and it’s that perception of change that we fear most, not the act of change itself.  

Myth 3       You need to consciously know what caused the problem in order to change it. 

Fact: Uncovering a problem and then talking about why a it exists and where it comes from rarely create any shifts in the direction of a solution.  When you’re ready to change and release your problems, it’s not necessary to know why it exists or where it came from.  Focusing on resolving  the problem and taking action to move forward makes the act of change itself very simple.

It’s easy to get caught up in beliefs and myths that have been around for many years.  With the strides that have been made in change technologies and alternative therapies in the recent years, I believe such myths will become a thing of the past for many.  It’s my hope that the world will continue to awaken and become more open to helping themselves let go of these fears and achieve what they want.

I took a different approach to this year’s goals.  This new approach was inspired by the book Manifesting Change by Mike Dooley.  In it he talks a lot about how to really get what you want. And although I disagree with some of it and in my opinion, he skirts a few issues that are important, it’s a fantastic read and really gets you thinking about how to get what you want.  I mean really, in layman’s terms and it makes sense what he says.

So my goals for this year are still related to my business and my family life, but this year I’m focused more on internal stuff.  By that I mean on the way I feel and what type of experience I want to creat in my life as opposed to just having a goal for goal’s sake and because it’s what I should have as a business owner. 

My main focus this year is prosperity – that’s my one word theme for 2011.  All my results that I want to achieve center around this theme.  And it’s not just about money because money has only a little bit to do with prosperity. 

This year I want to creat meaning in every moment that I have with my family.  I want to continue to connect in meaningful ways with friends and new business people.  I want to feel that every action I take or don’t take really has a purpose in bringing me closer to my end result.  I want to greedily FEEL more good emotions than negative ones.  I want to do whatever I can do help others become what they are meant to be. I also want to take very good care of me – emotionally, physically, and spiritually. 

I’m going to

1. Be Grateful for everything I am and have in my life right now.

2. Focus on my end results.

3. Take action every day.

All these things bring prosperity in material and non-material ways.  So as much as I have financial goals and fitness goals with numbers in them, the numbers are not necessarily the main focus for me.  The experience is the main focus.  And that’s different from what I’ve done in the past.  I’m really excited about my year and my new approach!

I recently had the opportunity to share some bits of wisdom on communication on Breakfast Television.  Here is the link to the video. 

http://video.citytv.com/video/detail/711822041001.000000/holiday-family-communication/

- Avoid the My Stress Is Bigger Than Your Stress game

- Make the time to connect

- Watch your language