I’m amazed at the fear I feel every time I feel like I want to be vulnerable with the world.  My first automatic thought is that “they’ll” think I’m some whiner.  The truth is, I’m allowed to be a whiner! I’ve finally accepted the fact that I have crappy days and I’m allowed to feel my emotions. I don’t have to have it all figured out and I don’t have to have all the answers – not instantly.  Sometimes not at all. 

I don’t expect perfection from my clients, my kids, or my husband – then why do I keep expecting it from myself? Hmmm…

So today as I was experiencing one of “those days” I decided to take a different approach.  Yes, I cried and I even thought “Why me? I want a happily ever after and I want it now!” for a few minutes. 

Then I got really mad. 

I got mad and I started taking action like never before on stuff that’s been on the back burner.  I didn’t feel like doing the usual to-do list so I looked at that back burner.  And you know what…? It felt good!

In fact, it fired up emotions, conviction, and the drive to do things differently.  It got me thinking outside the box.

I’m still mad and a little part of me still feels like it’s not fair.  But I’m actually really grateful that I took my anger and channeled it into moving myself forward instead of into chocolate or those really yummy chocolate chip bars I baked for the kids. 

I feel really empowered that I got the courage to share this too.  I know all moms have days and experience stuff that seems not fair.  Even those moms who pretend they don’t and those moms who don’t allow themselves to admit it. (I used to be one).

It’s liberating! Do it! Come clean with yourself and that alone will make you feel better!

For all moms (and dads) out there…what’s the biggest insight you’ve ever gotten out of one of “those days?”

In the “good old days” you went to school, then either to college or a trade school (usually following your father’s footsteps) and then you got a j.o.b. where you stayed until they gave you a gold watch on the date of your retirement. 

This rigid way of doing things is outdated now.  I love to learn things and I agree that knowledge is power.  But I don’t necessarily think that college, trade school, or even following in our parent’s footsteps is a one size fits all strategy.  The way we learn and the way we work has changed.  So why is it that, as parents, we still have that Gold Watch mentality about “how things should work“?

And why do we keep passing the Gold Watch to our kids?

We’re currently surrounded by news about the economy, how hard it is to make money, keep a job, buy stuff because prices are going up, etc, etc, etc.  Organizations, schools, and families get stuck in this hamster wheel of ”times are tough and we have no money so we can’t do anything.”  This mindset is not healthy because it keeps us stuck repeating old patterns and it teaches our kids all sorts of limiting beliefs about money, flexibility, and their ability to solve problems!

I heard a story once about a village in Brazil where a wooden bridge had been washed away in a storm.  The people didn’t know what to do about it because a new bridge mean they needed engineers, materials, time, labour, Mo-ney!  As they stood around commiserating about their misfortune, a young girl spoke up and said “My dad is an engineer, maybe he could help design a new bridge?”

Her simple statement led to a breakthrough!  A few other villagers began offering up some wood that they had laying around, someone else offered up their time and labour, and before you know it, the new bridge was built!  The people had come together and thought outside of the box and found the resources that they already had to rebuild a bridge.

Children are born without limits.  They find creative solutions because their creativity and ability are not contingent upon needing resources before having a solution.  They have an idea of what they want as their end result and then they figure out how to make it happen.  Children are taught how to accept limits by loving, well meaning parents and guardians who learned those things from their loving and well meaning parents and guardians. 

As an adult, how can you begin to think outside the box to accomplish your goals and create what you want?  As a parent, how can you reinforce and treasure your kids’ creativity and inner wisdom to follow their passions and be all they can be? 

1. Begin by pretending that you have all the resources and you design a solution.  Or,

2. Imagine your most ideal solution and what resources you already have to begin moving towards it. 

Resolving a problem or making a change doesn’t mean you have to have the whole thing figured out. You only need to know what you want and then take the most logical step towards it.  The villagers wanted a bridge – the logical first step was an engineer who already lived in the village.  They only needed to realize that they had the resources already and it took a child to point it out to them. 

Think from the perspective of a child – you can even ask your children for help.  And put aside all judgment about the ideas that begin to take shape.  They are not good or bad – they just are.  Again, it’s not about knowing the whole “how,” it’s about being creative and doing something different.  Because the Gold Watch rigidness of a comfort zone creates frustration and keeps us stuck. 

By tapping into your own creativity you will model flexibility, problem solving, and rising up to challenges for your kids way better than they could ever learn anywhere else.

So the kids are on spring break for two weeks and oooops, I forgot that it was coming and scheduled a bunch of meetings and work stuff.  In the past I would have freaked out about how much work I wasn’t going to get done.

This time I made a much smarter decision.  I decided that I was going to enjoy this time with my kids and reschedule what I could, and deliver on what couldn’t be rescheduled.  Much simpler.  Much more relaxing.  And I am much happier.

Now I can go out and jump on the trampoline with the kids or take them hiking without having my work on my mind, encroaching on their time.   I can play Wii golf or bowling with them and make them waffles for breakfast without feeling rushed.

I know that parents can get so caught up in doing things on their to do list that they miss out on the fun stuff.  What’s worse, is they feel guilty about not spending mindful time with the kids because their mind is spinning with so much other stuff.  Now, negative emotions have a specific purpose – but that purpose is not to make you feel bad about your parenting. 

As parents we have lots of responsibilities – work, kids, self care, eating, sleeping.  We have to get clear on what our most important responsibilities are, and then to create a flow that works for us.  To prioritize what we want to accomplish with our time – not just daily, but in our whole life.  So then when something unexpected happens (like spring break that was on the calendar all year, I just forgot to look ahead) we can reorganize our time to reflect our priorities. 

Of course my work is important, and so is my self care, but nothing is more important to me than my family.  These two weeks of time spent with my kids will create lifetime memories and more a meaningful relationship for us.  That fuels my soul even more than my work does.  My purpose here is to empower children and I choose to begin with my own.

We had many spiritual and metaphysical “legends” come and speak and teach at the recent I Can Do It conference in Vancouver.  The main message that I took gleaned was that living your best life isn’t hard, dark, or BORING!  Really it comes down to accepting yourself – warts and all, and then putting your best self out there not just for others but especially for yourself. 

Dr Wayne Dyer, one of the keynote speakers, talked about the four qualities of an enlightened person – and what I live about these is that they are really simple – and we can all practice them!  Spontaneous enlightenment is absolutely possible – that would be cool!  And we can also work on it every day, taking the slower route as we reach out for life. 

Here are the qualities Dr Dyer discussed in general.  They can easily be applied to our daily life as parents.

1. Being independent of the good opinion of others.  This is a common one that parents can get wrapped up in.  They worry about what others think – whether it’s positive or negative.  It’s easy to get caught up in this because if you don’t love yourself unconditionally you will seek out validation outside yourself.  It definitely takes practice to put your best self out there and realize that when you do, you don’t have to worry about what others think.  This is a life skill for kids to learn too.  Self love and self respect are tremendously powerful antidotes to peer pressure. 

2. Being detached from the outcome: Have dreams and goals and take action – but don’t hold on to the how too tightly.  To me this means being flexible in your approach to how you achieve things in your life – no matter what they are.  All parents want a happy family, self assured kids, meaningful communication, feeling connected, etc.  And there is no one way to get there…so stay open to the possibilities.  The important thing is knowing what it is we want exactly, then use the tools that come our way to eliminate stress, set good goals, and stay focused, and help us along our path. 

3. Not investing any energy/time into the control of others.  This means allowing others to bring their best self to everything.  This doesn’t mean not enforcing your boundaries and keeping yourself and your family safe.  There is a difference between teaching your children certain boundaries/rules and wanting to control every bit of their life.  Sure, sometimes it would be so much easier and faster for our kids to just do it our way, but we have to realize that kids also have their own lessons to learn. 

4. See the unfolding of God/Source in everyone.  This means putting aside your judgments of others and yourself.  We are all connected and scientists are even proving this with hard facts and data now.  Our kids learn from what we do and say, so practicing kindness, tolerance, acceptance, and similar qualities is important to set our kids up to succeed.  Oftentimes we get so caught up in looking at the differences between people that we forget how similar we all are.

If you practice each of these daily and forgive youself when you slip up – because we all do – you’re going to be the change you want to see in the world.  And your kids will be there right along with you.

Paralysis by analysis.  This is a great technical term that we underwriters used in the insurance industry – it meas you analyze something so much that you can’t move forward with a decision because you feel that you never know enough.   Well, it’s a trap that people who aren’t underwriters (or don’t even know what an underwriter is) also fall into.

How?  By becoming overwhelmed by obstacles, choices, fear, anxiety, guilt, ambivalence, and whatever else that we tend to feel when we don’t know what it is we want.  We get so wrapped up in focusing on what we don’t want that it takes over the majority of our energy.  We may not even realize that there is more to life than this and we keep feeling stuck and going in circles.  Or we may just not know how to help ourselves take that first step to unparalyze ourselves so we keep doing more of the same, or more nothing, getting us more of the same – or more nothing.

I’ve been stuck here more than once – and not just in a career sense.  I’ve felt stuck like that as a parent, a spouse, and a friend.  Even just as a human being.  Now I do a lot of work on myself because I don’t like being stuck.  What drove me nuts, was why I kept returning to this paralyzed state even after seemingly figuring things out and getting back on my path.  Then one day I got it!

I was chatting with a dear friend who I’ve chatted with every Tuesday night for the past two years.  We don’t even live in the same country but we have formed this amazing bond of mutual growth, sharing, and learning/teaching.  She has a strong HR and croporate background and we were talking about our goals for this year.  She asked me what my vision was for my business…hmmm.  Good question.

I told her I didn’t know what a vision was really…I gave her a list of goals.  She explained to me that a vision is like a bird’s eye view of what I want to accomplish through my business.  If I were to look at the entirety of my work in the world from 20,000 feet up in the air, what would be the main theme?  DING!!!! The lightbulb had been turned on.  The bell was rining loud and clear!

In that moment I understood why I had often become paralyzed by overanalyzing stuff about my business and my life.  I knew what my “Big Why” was in my work… but I had never, for some strange reason, connected the dots between that and all the actions I was taking.  Sure I had goals…but if the goals got too big or too tall…I would freak out.  I would begin to analyze.  I would…you know the rest…get paralyzed and do nothing…then feel bad, etc. 

The huge dot that I connected during this chat was that as long as all my steps, big or small, were moving me closer to my Big Why – to my vision, then I couldn’t go wrong.  All of a sudden it seemed easy to make choices without analysis.  I realized that even the big, tall goals would fit and get accomplished – one step at a time.   I no longer felt like I was floundering about, swimming in the dark. 

So now I’ve stepped back and taken a good look at my life from space.  I decided that a vision is a smart thing to have in every area of my life, beginning with my relationship with my children.  Having these dots connected has just shifted everything into focus for me.  It’s been enlightening beyond words.  As long as I have that vision in front of me, I know that I can make the right choices and take the right steps. 

So, if you find yourself paralyzed because you don’t know which way to go right now…get yourself out of the weeds.  Figure out what is your highest intention for your relationship, your career, your business, your spirituality, or whatever area you feel you’re stuck in.  Then use that bird’s eye view perspective to find a path for yourself; find the next logical or feel good choice and take it. 

Have any of you been paralyzed by analysis?  How did you move through it?

Ever have one of “those days?”  It`s human to have off days – I get that.  But for me it used to be such a downer and I still get caught in the trap of “I have to have it all figured out, so don`t tell anyone!”  Silly, I know.  So what to do about that feeling?

I used to just shut myself down and wallow.  That didn`t work well, let me tell you.  It made my days worse because I was either cranky or unemotional like a zombie.  Not a good way to build a healthy family home life. 

I have a way better way to get through days like that.  I know they will come up – and I`m ok with it! Because now I give myself permission to feel off.   My mindset is on track 95% of the time and the other 5% I give myself the benefit of the doubt.  This has done wonders for creating a meaningful relationship with my own self.

I also rely on my trusty list.  I`ve written down all the thinfs that I could think of that I would need to do to reach my goals this year.  And so when I`m in a funk and bordering on floundering around – I just pick something on my list and do it!  It`s amazing how much my day goes up from there because as I get absorbed into the task, I focus my energy on the progress towards my vision. 

My other option is to just let myself be for the day and be ok with that too.  I don`t always have to accomplish anything.  Actually I`ve really learned the value of simply being. 

I`d love to know what all you moms and dads do when you have one of “those days?”  Please leave your comments.

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There’s a great quote that I’ve read that always makes me stop and reflect:

      “To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

The first time I read it I had a light bulb go on.  It takes real courage to do.  As much as being is important, doing can teach us a lot.  And not just doing for the sake of keeping busy.  I`m referring to the doing of that which naturally takes us closer to fulfilling our purpose here.

All the advancements in our civilization have come from others doing things – and facing the scrutiny and criticism of others.  I’ve come to realize that when we criticize or judge the ideas or work of others it’s because we either don’t believe, are afraid, or lack courage ourselves.  And by criticism I don`t mean authentic and well intended feedback that leads to improvement and growth.

Every time we criticize or judge it’s because something in the subject/object of our criticism brought up our own “stuff” – something we dislike in ourselves.  We can defend our own point of view by labeling the subject/object any number of names that we hope justifies our point of view.  Deep down, though, it`s all meant to deflect our attention away from whatever we are uncomfortable with inside ourselves. 

Human beings won`t stop creating, thinking, building, writing, learning…doing.  Every person, situation, and thing we are faced with in our life can teach us something.  We can either choose to judge and criticize it or we can choose to look within ourselves and learn something about ourselves when our “stuff” comes up.  Self reflection and learning take just as much courage as putting our creations and ideas out there for others to experience.

Children have a natural tendency to experience the world with awe and wonder.  They don`t automatically jump to what`s wrong with something that someone else created.  Children are courageous and ask questions and explore the old, the new, the regular and the different.  Children must be taught to judge and criticize – and I don`t know if that`s an important lesson to have to learn…what do you think?

Unlearning the act of criticism is something that also take courage.  And once we`re able to experience the ideas and works of others with the same type of awe that children do, we will feel a sense of freedom.  Of course not every idea or creation will fit into our own model of the world – but perhaps it will teach us something.  As parents we can then help our children to continue to have open minds and hearts and the courage to be and do what they are here for.  By letting go of judgment and criticism we open ourselves up to experiencing the world from a new direction.  By realizing that our ideas and creations will help others hopefully learn something, no matter how big or small, we have the courage to continue doing instead of choosing to be, say, or do nothing.

YOU hold the keys to living an empowered life in YOUR hands. When you take 100% responsibility for your choices, your actions and your inactions, your life will change immediately.  You’ll recognize the excuses and reasons you have for staying in your comfort zone and suffering through your current story, and your story will change!  You are the creator of your reality.  Dr Wayne Dyer says that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. It’s true. You will see immediate results when you use this book because your mindset will shift.

Are you squeazing 36 hours worth of stuff into a 24 hour day?  You’re so busy doing things for your family that I’m willing to bet that YOU come last! At the same time you’re probably saying to yourself, “It’s my responsibility to do these things! I’m the mom!”

Do you get so run down trying to fulfill the roles that you don’t take time for yourself, and then complain about to your girlfriends or husband? 

Deep down, you know if you let go of the guilt about taking care of yourself and you stopped feeling afraid of changing things that aren’t working in your life, you would feel happier, more fulfilled, and less resentful of all those responsibilities you have taken on.

Do you feel you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way and you’re taking care of everything and everyone else except you?  You tell yourself “someday” you will be able to find the time to enjoy your hobbies and work on your personal growth. For now, you’re going through the motions day after day — and the years slip by. 

Just because this is your life now doesn’t mean it has to be that way forever. In fact, you have the power to change it today.  Right now. You just have to choose to change and give yourself permission. This is very important. You can only change what you are 100% committed to changing. 

Changing your life doesn’t have to be complicated or take a long time. What it does take is commitment from you to put yourself and your needs first, to work on yourself, to be honest and willing to make whatever changes you need to make to achieve the life you want.

You must be willing to let go of excuses.  My own mentor, Fabienne Fredrickson, always tells me: when you’re interested, you do what’s convenient; when you’re committed, you do whatever it takes.  This John Assaraf quote is now a favourite of mine.

There are three requisites to creating change.  First you must focus on what you want.  Then you must clear out the negativity, limitations, and other mental and emotional gunk and sludge that is keeping you stuck.  Third, you must maintain your focus and take action.   You have the keys within yourself to unlock the door to endless possibilities.  

This book is divided into three sections.  Begin by working through the first section on getting clear on what you want.  Choose a key that you feel comfortable with and work on it for a one-week period.  Once you master the key, choose another one. While some of these suggest actions, others are simply concepts that involve making a conscious choice.  Practicing the actions will help you make them automatic. This process will take some time, and it is meant to . . . the purpose is not to overwhelm you.  I recommend first choosing the keys that speak to you the most or the ones that you know you can commit to easily.

Commit to yourself 100% and don’t waiver — no matter what anyone says.  These keys will light your path to your transformation into an empowered and fulfilled woman, a woman who has reclaimed herself and is now better able to not only fulfill her role as mom, wife, and professional, but also as a woman and a citizen of this world. You’ll become a woman who knows that the world is a better place because she is living and walking this earth.

Now available on Amazon here.

Now available for purchase in Electronic Form here.

Why is it so hard to change our minds sometimes?  In fact, have you ever tried to change your mind only to discover that your mind seems to have a mind of it’s own? 

What causes some of us to resist change and others to thrive on it?  Researchers and scientists such as Dr Bruce Lipton have stated that it comes down to what we believe is true for us.  If you want change to be easy you must change your beliefs.  Sounds simple, doesn’t it? 

There are so many cliches about change such as “nothing is certain except taxes, death and change,” that it’s no wonder there are also many myths surrounding this topic.  What were you told about change as you were growing up?  What are you telling your own kids about it?  I would like to debunk three myths about change to show that it’s simple and there is nothing to fear. 

Myth 1       If you’ve had a limiting belief for a long time it will take a long time to change it

Fact:  Our minds are like the software in a computer.  It may take us a long time to write a particular program for a belief or we may gain a belief very quickly.  Now, can you think of a belief that you used to have that’s no longer true for you?  A single event or a period of time may lead us to change our beliefs. The truth is, that it’s not the change itself that takes the time, it’s us being ready to do the changing.  

Changing beliefs is like changing a document in a computer. It doesn’t take any longer to change a document that has been in your computer 20 years than it does one that has been there for 20 minutes.  The hardest part for many people is being ready to change.  When you’re ready the change is instant.

Myth 2       Changing old behaviours and thought patterns is difficult and often painful.

Fact: Dr Bruce Lipton states that what and how we think and how we behave are caused by our beliefs.  When you change the belief you change the resulting behaviour or thought pattern.  You don’t actually need to suffer to change.  It’s easy to rewrite your own software when you work with the unconscious mind which is the storehouse of all your thoughts and behaviors.  This no pain no gain myth has no basis in science.  Scientifically, beliefs are represented by specific configurations of photons of light held in the electromagnetic field of your mind. Change the field and you change the belief and this doesn’t physically hurt.  Any perceived pain is often emotional and it’s that perception of change that we fear most, not the act of change itself.  

Myth 3       You need to consciously know what caused the problem in order to change it. 

Fact: Uncovering a problem and then talking about why a it exists and where it comes from rarely create any shifts in the direction of a solution.  When you’re ready to change and release your problems, it’s not necessary to know why it exists or where it came from.  Focusing on resolving  the problem and taking action to move forward makes the act of change itself very simple.

It’s easy to get caught up in beliefs and myths that have been around for many years.  With the strides that have been made in change technologies and alternative therapies in the recent years, I believe such myths will become a thing of the past for many.  It’s my hope that the world will continue to awaken and become more open to helping themselves let go of these fears and achieve what they want.