When I worked in corporate I had set hours: 8:30-4:30. I had to be there and fill the time in between with work or if there wasn’t enough work, I had to look busy. That “set hours” mentality has been tough to unlearn even though it’s been almost two years since I haven’t worked in corporate. It’s an old habit that has recently cropped up with mega stress for me!

As a business owner I can set my own hours and be as efficient or as laid back as I want. Of course the most logical thing for a business owner to do is to be efficient. My drive for efficiency was stressing me out! It’s been a big source of overwhelm for me because my to do list never really gets shorter. In fact, it just keeps growing.

One day Bryan said to me that I don’t have to stick to the usual corporate hours anymore – I work in my own business and I can set my hours! So why was I getting all stressed out? Indeed, why?

I had followed experts’ advice and put a pause on all extra activities while I was building my business foundation. The problem now was that I never hit play on those fun things again. I continued to deny myself fun times in the interest of efficiency and that darned to do list. This meant that because I wasn’t having any fun I wasn’t being any fun either.

I was snippy with the kids and with Bryan. I wasn’t present or mindful with them and I felt bad about it – but I couldn’t really put my finger on what my biggest source of stress was!

Then Christmas came around and I started reading some of my old craft magazines. I loved crafting and drawing and painting and sewing but I had put a pause on it! Well, it was time to unpause.

SO this past weekend I dug out a bunch of paints, paper, and other doodads and the kids and I made Christmas cards. And we had so much fun! I didn’t care about the mess or the glitter that even ended up on our cats somehow. I just lost myself in the fun of creating again.

I got this cool book from a new friend named Violette who is a great artist lives in a magical cottage in White Rock. She told me that art saved her life and she wrote this book called Journal Bliss. Now I was rediscovering how art was putting fun back into my life.

The kids made amazing creations and my cards are pretty cool too. Now I am definitely going to make the time every day to doodle or draw something. It makes me happy. And it’s simply true that when Mama’s happy so is the rest of the family. I have more patience and I feel more joyous around my family. I’m sure they are glad to have a more fun mommy too!

Is there something that you have put a pause on that you want to go back to doing? Would it fill your soul to dive back into that activity?

I’d love to know what it is! Please share on my Facebook page or in the comments.

Here are some of our creations:

Family Focus Friday: A revolutionary new Blog Talk Radio show for parents

The statistics facing families today are scary and getting scarier by the year, not getting better! Family empowerment expert, Kasia Rachfall and blended-families expert, Lisa Perry team up to discuss and provide deeper … insight into the issues families face today. This is a “no-fluff-zone – NOT your “what diapers to use” show. Lisa and Kasia take a frying pan approach towards dealing with the deeper underlying issues that make or break a family, no matter what kind of family you are. The topics are deep – but we won’t leave you hanging! Listen in and discover practical and sometimes amazingly easy strategies that you can use right away. You’ll be surprised at how even some of the toughest situations have the simplest ways out.

In this week’s episode:

Have you ever thought this about your relationship?? Do you feel that you were in love at the time and didn’t consider all the other things that go along with being with that erson long-term?

Often, people site this as an overall reason for separation and eventually divorce.

Kasia and Lisa will talk about the 4 main reasons why men and women tend to jump in to relationships too soon and what it all means when people do this – and the reasons might not be what you think they are!

If you find yourself in this situation – should you end it, should you work it out?

Listen in as they discuss options to tackle the underlying issues in a way that helps you meet your needs as a couple and to build a stronger and happier family.

Recently someone told me that I seemed very malcontent. My first ego based reaction was “What the…? How dare they say this about me?”

But after thinking about how I had been acting lately I realized how true this statement actually was. I was malcontent. There, I admitted it.

No, I wasn’t in a mid life crisis and I wasn’t planning on doing anything drastic. I’ve done enough of the drastic stuff in life to learn its not really the smartest way to go.

I really wanted to figure this one out. I had always been happy and not much really bothered me. If anything did bother me I could always brush it off. But this malcontent thing was bothering me something fierce.  And by golly, I finally figured it out!

Kasia and I have learned a great deal on manifestation and seeing the big picture and dreaming big. You can call it manifesting, intending, law of attraction or whatever you want, but essentially it is what you want to be, have, and experience. It’s important to have a family vision or dream but you also need to have your own dreams because you are still your own person. YOUR dreams. Not your spouse’s, not your kid’s. YOURS. I had lost touch with MY dreams and what was important to me.

After this “aha” I realized that there are tons of people teaching you to reach for the stars and dream big. However, a lot of them just barely touch on celebrating and loving what you currently have. If you do not celebrate, enjoy, appreciate and love what you already have then why should the universe provide you with more?

This is where I think we go wrong and I know that was where I went wrong. We only focus on what we want; not on what we have. We take for granted all the wonderful things that the universe and the creative geniuses of our time have provided for us. We complain when a 40 minute drive takes 50 minutes or if our mobile internet takes 5 seconds longer to load.

What if you were just happy that you have a vehicle and can get places faster than if you had to walk? What if you just appreciated that vehicle and took care of it? What if you were happy that you have a phone attached to you? Remember when you had to look for a payphone? (I’m sure some readers are asking what a payphone is. LOL.)

I am not in any way trying to squash the act of dreaming big. I have very lofty dreams and will one day reach every single one of them. I am simply suggesting to enjoy what you currently have and the universe will provide you more.

This makes me remember when Kasia and I were recently out for our 11th anniversary. We had a bunch of leftovers from dinner and were walking down the street. There was a homeless guy sitting and leaning against a tree as we walked past. Kasia offered him what we had. His eyes literally almost glowed with excitement as she handed him the bag and he responded with what one of the most heartfelt Thank You’s I have ever heard. He did not care that the food might be cold. He didn’t care what kind of food it was. He was just grateful that he got to eat that day. (By the way he ate really amazing Chicken Shawarma for dinner that night)

My malcontentment disappeared when I began to appreciate everything more. And I encourage everyone to appreciate, enjoy and have fun with what you have and the people we we have in our lives. Especially the people we love. The stuff can always be replaced. It’s just stuff.

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The rides at Disneyland are so fun! And what I noticed about them is that getting to the ride is as much fun and exciting – if not more – than the ride itself. The Indiana Jones ride, for example, is so realistic! You get to walk through underground dungeons and pathways, creepy tombs, and jungle-like forests. Then you get in a jeep and it rattles you around for 45 seconds while you escape bandits and snakes. I actually came out of that ride feeling a little sick to my stomach from all the rattling around.

But I was really profoundly moved by the whole experience – and unexpectedly so. Here I was having crazy fun with the family and taking in all the surroundings and my unconscious mind was taking it all in at a whole other level. I realized that I really enjoyed having fun and that it wasn’t hard at all! I don’t know why I forgot to have fun in the first place.

Enjoying the “getting there” and not just the ride was only one of my realizations. After spending 6 hours drawing in the sand and playing in the waves at Laguna Beach I realized that fun can be so simple. It doesn’t require fancy anything really.

I really connected with the kids and with myself on our trip – and I had so been longing for more connection.

Now we are having conversations about how we keep that relaxation and fun at home. Sure I would love to move to the beach and spend the next two years sitting there and listening to the waves beat the shore. But I don’t believe that I should have to uproot everything just to relax and have fun. So we’re making a family plan for fun. I’m really excited!

I’m doing a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology right now and I get to study all things mind related. In my most recent class we are focusing on hypnosis. One of my classmates said she uses her unconscious mind as a personal assistant.  She gives her unconscious specific instructions about what she wants and when – for example, the outline for a paper or a project by next Friday – and then she just goes about her day.  When Friday comes around she simply sits down and allows the requested information to flow out of her.

I gave this lots of thought because I think it’s brilliant! What an incredible way to utilize the capabilities of our unconscious mind which is so much more powerful than our consciousness. I thought about whether I am using my own mind to its full potential. Am I giving it clear instructions for what I want? And more importantly, is it giving me what I want back?

The answer is a decisive yes and yes. I always get what I want from my mind BUT I realized – my focus is NOT where I want it.

I am very self aware and I take responsibility for what I create in my life. I also have this tendency to find fault with myself all the time. I look for the next limiting belief or emotion that is standing in my way. I have great rapport with my unconscious mind and I ask it to seek out and find what else I have to heal and release in my life. But this seems to leave me feeling like there is always something wrong with me – which there isn’t! And I want to feel good about myself.

Not to say that healing yourself isn’t a worthy endeavor. It is – but not if that’s all you’re focused on. I found that I don’t spend enough time being grateful for all the ways in which I am already great and excellent. Yes, I have “stuff” to work through. But I also have a lot to be proud of and a lot to appreciate.

So, as a change of focus exercise – I wrote a letter to my unconscious mind thanking it for always giving me all the information I ask for.  I am grateful for my mind always bringing up things for me to work on. Now, however, I want to focus on all my accomplishments, my capabilities, and all the things that I already do well. If there is something pressing to work through – I’m sure I will become aware of it and take care of it.

I invite you to take a look at what you focus on most and what you ask your mind to bring up for you. Is your focus where you want it? Are you grateful for who you are and what you’ve accomplished in your life? If not, you can shift this at any time. You simply have to be willing.

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I read this quote from John Lennon this past week:

“When I was 5 years old my mother always told me happiness was the key to life. When I went to school they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment. I told them they didn’t understand life.”

The first thought I had was…wow, I wish I had thought that way when I was a child! Because I remember those questions being asked of me and my answers back then were flight attendant and aeronautical engineer. I don’t remember ever thinking or being told that happiness was anything to strive for.

This doesn’t mean that I wasn’t a happy child. Simply that I grew up like many other children – expecting to go to school and get a job and make a living. Happiness wasn’t an expectation – more of a hope or a luxury.

Just imagine yourself as a young child being told that happiness is the key to life. How would your life be different now if you focused on living your life to fulfill your happiness over anything else? What would your responsibilities be? What choices would you have made differently? Perhaps you would have done everything the same – in that case, you really know what it means to be happy.

Not everyone knows happiness because they run through their lives expecting things outside themselves to bring them happiness. And their children learn to do the same. I know this because I know many people who do this. I used to look for happiness outside myself too – I still catch myself doing this sometimes.

So this quote inspired me to focus even more on being the type of person who is happy in life. And doing all the things that bring me happiness. And especially underlining the importance of happiness to my children. As much as I am a firm believer in being a contributing member of society and taking responsibility seriously – I am also believing more and more that you can do all these things and have incredible happiness in your life too.

How does John Lennon’s quote inspire you to live your life? You can share your comments on our Facebook page.

Ok, so the house cleaner coming led me to have a MAJOR control freak style meltdown. Trust me, I felt like I was crazy sitting in my office and meditating my insanity away, listening to the cleaners vacuum, dust, etc, upstairs

What had gotten me so riled up? It was my Inner Control Freak…just on a whole new, different and surprisingly deeper level. When I got home from dropping off the kids at school the cleaners were already there, busily doing their thing. I should have been grateful…instead, I was mortified when I saw that every light in the house was on.  They had loaded the 5 dishes in the sink into the dishwasher and were running it…75% empty! The scent of the supposedly “green” cleaning solution was overwhelmingly slamming itself into my nose.

Like I said. I freaked out inside. Why couldn’t I just feel grateful? Why?

I ran into my office, spread out my cobalt blue cloth, lit my candle, and meditated on my snazzy round meditating pillow.

I was pissed off at myself. How could I possibly be poking holes and scoffing at having my house cleaned for me!? Of all the indignant, ungrateful, dumb things to freak out about, I was freaking out about someone else cleaning my toilets and floors.

I decided being mad wouldn’t solve anything and so I dove headfirst into the anger, taking my control freak with me. I felt the anger fully and cried big tears. All I wanted to do was be grateful and yet here was this giant wall of out of control anger that was so big and so tall inside me!

Working through the layers of emotions I discovered that it originated from the part of me that wants to save the world and it’s precious resources. We recycle as much as possible and ensure that we do our best to conserve energy in all the ways we can at our house. So when I walked in and found all the lights on and the empty dishwasher running, this part of me went berserk.

As I continued to ask this part of me what was its highest intention I realized that it’s to lead others by example and with kindness and to help me save the world. As they say, you get more bees with honey than with vinegar. As I integrated this part into my being I calmed my control freak down and I felt gratitude.

And the solution became clear to me. I would simply speak to the cleaning company and ask them not to use the stinky cleaner. I’m happy to provide my Norwex cleaning paste instead. I would also ask them not to run the dishwasher if it’s not completely full…they can load it and just leave it for us to fill up and turn on. I would lead by example and perhaps, they would think twice before using up electricity in another home. And I realized that they needed the lights to finish the job and every light was turned off when they left.

I would not have been able to get to that place of clarity and gratitude if I had simply continued to rage and allow that control freak to reign over me. It’s what I used to do but now I’m wiser and have tools that work so much better and empower me and my family.

In the movie The Smurfs the main human character, Patrick, has a very demanding boss. She tells Patrick that she fired his predecessor because he gave her what she asked for – not what she wanted.  Patrick is perplexed when she goes on to say

“How am I supposed to know what to ask for when I don’t even know what I want?”

 I recently received an amazing gift to spend a lot more time with my family.  For the next several months we will have a house cleaner coming! This is what I’ve always wanted because if I didn’t have to spend time cleaning I could focus more on being happy with the kids! Yes, I’m excited and yes, I’m grateful…and…

 And I’m also faced with the uncomfortable feeling that I won’t have to fill all my time with DOING stuff. I’m good at doing stuff – I’m still practicing how to just have fun with the kids.

So I found myself questioning if I had really received something that I had wanted. You may be thinking I’m crazy that I’m even questioning this…a house cleaner is amazing! Yes, it is.

And it pushes me out of my comfort zone of doing and into the un-comfort zone of having a lot more fun and even being a bit lazy.

Everyone has a different comfort zone. Many moms settle for a comfort zone filled with so many responsibilities and “shoulds” and as a result, resentments. Yet when change and stepping out of that uncomfortable comfort zone is possible – moms can tend to think “No, I’m ok. It’s not too bad here and I’m ok.”

Once moms step out of that uncomfortable comfort zone and taste what it’s like to live how we really want, we can never go back. Conscious living is constantly redefining your comfort zone, even if it freaks you out a bit.

So if you find yourself in a place where you are asking for something...but you don’t really know if it’s what you want…start with knowing what you don’t want.

1. Write down all the things you don’t want first. Clear those out of your mind.
2. Then focus on what you do want…and make a list of those, stated in the positive.
3. Then go ahead and ask for those things!

Practice knowing and practice asking – your life will shift on a dime, you’ll see!

Image: hodgers

We didn’t express gratitude in the family when I was younger. I don’t remember ever sitting around at dinner and talking about things we are thankful for.

In fact, one of my earliest memories is of me expressing how grateful I was to have a healthy body and mind and my father scoffing at me and telling me that’s a stupid thing to say. I think I was 4 years old at the time.

As a child one of the most important gifts in life is to have the approval of your parents – of anyone in the family. If you don’t have it, it doesn’t matter what else you have, deep down you feel inadequate.

This is how I felt for many years of my life. Until very recently, actually, when a dear colleague of mine took me out for coffee after notcing how overwhelmed I appeared to him. During our conversation it became clear to me that I still looked to people and things outside of myself for approval. Even as a highly educated adult, a mother, a wife, a published author and speaker, and all those other accolades that I have collected – I felt inadequate in the eyes of the world.

I cried when I realized this.

And then I expressed gratitude: to  my colleague for his powerful questions and his patience. To myself for being willing to look in places inside where these old beliefs are hidden. And to my dad for teaching me this important lesson about how it all starts in the family.

My husband, Bryan, and I openly talk with our children about how grateful we are for them and for our lives. With our kids it’s been easy to say “I’m grateful for you.” But when I tried expressing these same words to Bryan, it took me two weeks to muster up the courage because I felt inadequate. And when I finally did I was terrified that he would reject my gratitude…just like my dad had rejected it. I cried when I told Bryan how grateful I am to have him in my life. Bryan beamed at me.

So now I am practicing gratitude in the family and in my every day – especially for myself and all the things I do. This is my way of feeling adequate and allowing that adequacy to shine from the inside out.

I’m grateful for all the nuts in my family – especially my kids and Bryan.  

I’m grateful that we can have fun and laugh and that my kids feel safe talking to me about anything.

I’m grateful for all their random hugs and “I love yous.”

I’m grateful for all the love and support I have of colleagues, friends, and my whole family as I take steps on this journey that I’m on. You all mean the world to me!

It’s Thanksgiving in Canada today – but we don’t need to wait for this special day to have gratitude in the family. I wish that all parents would tell their children all the time how grateful they are for their children. And I wish that all people would spend more time forcusing on being grateful for what they have and are, instead of what they aren’t and don’t have.

We have a great new complimentary audio available for a download called 5 Mistakes Moms Make & How To Avoid Them.

It’s easy to get caught up making these mistakes – especially when you’re not aware that you’re even making them!  Things like communicating what you really need, believing that only you can do it right, and thinking that kids should know better are common mistakes moms make.

Many parenting problems can be avoided when you have the right tools to use in the moment. Kasia coaches you through simple steps to get you connecting better and communicating more clearly with your children, partner, and other family members and friends.  Creating more harmony and minimizing stress can be fun and easy!

Learn how you can figure out if you make these mistakes and what you can do to avoid them.  Put your name and primary email into the blue box with the keyhole on the right of the screen, and get instant access to the free audio.